How can I still be so bitter?

On FB tonight, a friend of mine just posted that her daughter was born. 12 1/2 weeks early. A friend that posted no updates on FB ever (something that I appreciate so much because there's nothing I hate more than hearing about babies on FB), I didn't even know she was pregnant (lol, obviously, not that close friends). And still, I am so insanely jealous right now it's ridiculous. The poor things, both mom and baby. At 12.5 weeks, that must be not even 28 weeks along.

My baby, should I ever have him/her feels so far away right now. And I'm pregnant. I am still so painfully aware and afraid that I will lose this baby too and have nothing - again.

It's not even like my friend went through a wonderful pregnancy that was perfect. The baby is doing fine right now, but even so...why am I so jealous? Will that ever go away?

Nights like these I hate myself. And yet I'm still so jealous.