Ok, so WTF? Today is CD 60. SIXTY. Sesenta. No period. I was feeling crampy and PMSy a few days ago and still nothing. 11 days ago I had my P4 checked and it indicated I'd already ovulated and I was sure I hadn't just ovulated the day before, so AF should definitely be here by now. At this point, it's going to affect our upcoming cycle if this keeps up.
Surrogacy agreement has gone over to the other attorney. Our attorney checked on Gabby's insurance for us. I mean, they had of course checked it out before but she wanted to give me specifics.
There is a $100 annual deductible for all insurance services and then there's a $300 co-payment for inpatient stay when she gives birth. Otherwise, her coverage is 100%.
How freaking awesome is that???
I need to call up the adoption agency soon just to check in but I'm dreading it a bit. Obviously there's nothing new over there since I haven't heard anything. I also want to ask them for a "receipt" for all our expenses in 2011 so we have it when we go to file taxes next year.
This year (tax year 2012) is the last year that the adoption credit/deduction (I don't remember which one it is, but it's whatever one gives you more money) is over $12K. I believe last year it was $13K. The healthcare reform act (I refuse to call it "Obamacare") put back the deduction/credit for this year, but next year it drops back to $5k (maybe $6k) unless they change it, which they haven't done so far.
The way adoption stuff and taxes work is generally, this - if you haven't finalized your adoption, you can take a partial credit (for whatever adoption expenses you have paid - in our case, application fees and homestudy fees) in the tax year AFTER you paid those fees. Since we paid those fees in 2011, we can take credit in tax year 2012 (which gets filed NEXT April). If you finalize in a given year, you can take the credit in that year.
Obviously the way we are going we'll be lucky to get a placement in 2012, so forget about finalizing. If we finalize in 2013, there will be only $5K we can get back...boo :( So I definitely want to file for partial credit next year for whatever we can get. I think we spent between $3-$5K last year on adoption stuff. Hopefully then in 2013 we can get the $5K when we finalize, which is better than nothing. I'm not positive if $5k is the most we can back total, so we'll definitely be going to a tax attorney that year.
I am a bit annoyed we're going to miss out on the adoption credit/deduction by only a year or so. But then today I got a fundraising letter from my law school alma mater and learned that tuition has been raised from $6k when I went there in early 2000s to nearly $30K now. Holy smokes. So that timing at least worked out for me there. Win some, lose some.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Surrogacy Agreement Part Deux
AF watch: no, still not here. But I feel crampy and like it will be here any day now. Hurray!
One time I did have a 69 day cycle. But that was after my open heart surgery. Kind of makes sense that my body went a bit wacky after that. 55+ days for no reason at all? I don't get it.
L and I had 2 hour phone conversation with our attorney for the surrogacy agreement this morning. Thank goodness a new month of cell phone minutes will be starting soon! It was really good. She was very knowledgeable, well spoken, and listened and agreed with many of our changes.
She told us Gabby gave ridiculously low payment amounts for many of the things contemplated in the agreement. As I wrote yesterday, I can't specifically go into language of the agreement, but for caesarean, ectopic, D&C's - all of these have an amount allocated to them if they happen and apparently the surrogate gets to pick an amount they will be paid in case they do (I didn't know the surrogate picked this until today).
She's also the one who gets to say how much childcare will be in case she needs to go on bed rest or while she's at doctor appointments and our attorney said she must think her au pair or family members will just take care of the children because it is crazy low for 3 kids! There are so many things I would not have contemplated myself so I'm glad we have an attorney who has experience writing contracts like this up. She told us this woman sounds incredible - she makes a lot of money (our attorney of course didn't tell us how much but she needed to submit paystubs in case there are lost wages), has 3 kids, works full time, has an au pair for crissakes, but she still wants to do this, and is asking on the low side for reimbursement. Clearly this means she's doing it for the right reasons. I don't know how we got so lucky!
I was all excited about the lowered amount for her fee yesterday, but now it makes sense. However, she sort of makes up for the money a different way. She really doesn't want to have twins, if it's up to her, but we definitely want to put 2 back since this process is so expensive. The $3K we would "save" on her fee is actually added to the multiples fee - that ONE fee is higher than normal. I can't really fault her for that, everything else is ridiculously cheap apparently and she wasn't a huge fan of multiples to begin with, but she's still going to go through with it, so I guess she decided to make it worth her while. I think it's fair. If we don't end up with twins the price will be lowered and if we do we will be so thrilled anyway! The price goes up even higher for triplets but we would never ever put 3 back in her and the only way to end up with twins would be in one of the embryos split. That has never happened to me (my twins were from two embryos that both implanted) and there are no twins in my family so the chances are not high for that.
I am so grateful I want to email her to thank her but I'm not quite sure how to put it. I'm sure I'll find away throughout this process though.
On the adoption front, no news to report. Almost 5 months into it and there's been practically nothing. If we hadn't been told when our profile is going out (the two times it has) we would have had no contact with the agency whatsoever. The average wait time for them is 9 months - how is that possible if we've barely had anything happen in 5?
One time I did have a 69 day cycle. But that was after my open heart surgery. Kind of makes sense that my body went a bit wacky after that. 55+ days for no reason at all? I don't get it.
L and I had 2 hour phone conversation with our attorney for the surrogacy agreement this morning. Thank goodness a new month of cell phone minutes will be starting soon! It was really good. She was very knowledgeable, well spoken, and listened and agreed with many of our changes.
She told us Gabby gave ridiculously low payment amounts for many of the things contemplated in the agreement. As I wrote yesterday, I can't specifically go into language of the agreement, but for caesarean, ectopic, D&C's - all of these have an amount allocated to them if they happen and apparently the surrogate gets to pick an amount they will be paid in case they do (I didn't know the surrogate picked this until today).
She's also the one who gets to say how much childcare will be in case she needs to go on bed rest or while she's at doctor appointments and our attorney said she must think her au pair or family members will just take care of the children because it is crazy low for 3 kids! There are so many things I would not have contemplated myself so I'm glad we have an attorney who has experience writing contracts like this up. She told us this woman sounds incredible - she makes a lot of money (our attorney of course didn't tell us how much but she needed to submit paystubs in case there are lost wages), has 3 kids, works full time, has an au pair for crissakes, but she still wants to do this, and is asking on the low side for reimbursement. Clearly this means she's doing it for the right reasons. I don't know how we got so lucky!
I was all excited about the lowered amount for her fee yesterday, but now it makes sense. However, she sort of makes up for the money a different way. She really doesn't want to have twins, if it's up to her, but we definitely want to put 2 back since this process is so expensive. The $3K we would "save" on her fee is actually added to the multiples fee - that ONE fee is higher than normal. I can't really fault her for that, everything else is ridiculously cheap apparently and she wasn't a huge fan of multiples to begin with, but she's still going to go through with it, so I guess she decided to make it worth her while. I think it's fair. If we don't end up with twins the price will be lowered and if we do we will be so thrilled anyway! The price goes up even higher for triplets but we would never ever put 3 back in her and the only way to end up with twins would be in one of the embryos split. That has never happened to me (my twins were from two embryos that both implanted) and there are no twins in my family so the chances are not high for that.
I am so grateful I want to email her to thank her but I'm not quite sure how to put it. I'm sure I'll find away throughout this process though.
On the adoption front, no news to report. Almost 5 months into it and there's been practically nothing. If we hadn't been told when our profile is going out (the two times it has) we would have had no contact with the agency whatsoever. The average wait time for them is 9 months - how is that possible if we've barely had anything happen in 5?
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Surrogate Agreement
Well, I'm currently on CD54, no sign of AF yet. Anyways...
Our attorney with the surrogate agency sent us a first draft copy of the agreement between us and Gabby. We get to see it first before it's sent to Gabby's attorney.
Overall I'm very pleased with it. They included a bunch of stuff in there we had talked about months ago, and I'm not accustomed to that level of competence :)Ok, usually that's doctors.
Being an attorney myself, of course I had things to change in it. I asked for them to send me a copy in word (they sent it in PDF) so I could redline and tracked changes to it and she did right away. Yeah! I like her already.
They held the amount we are paying Gabby herself down to the original amount we wanted. Before we knew who Gabby was, we were told she was looking for $3K more. ($3K is probably what PGS is going to cost us, so I would like to not pay that if needed). They told us they weren't sure if we could do it. Maybe we still can't and Gabby's attorney will ask for more, but I'm glad they at least put what we asked for to start with.
The amounts for multiples is higher than we otherwise thought, so I'm asking about it. I have no shame. Luckily, I *mostly* do contracts all day long at work (when I'm not going to depositions for uncomfortable things - seriously, yesterday it was about pornography at work - who does such a thing??? Ok, I digress...) so I am in my element track changing contracts. I figure, we'll ask and we'll see what the answer is. May not have a choice in the end, but if you don't ask you'll never know!
There's actually a clause in the agreement that no part of it will be put on any website. This must mean there are a lot of blogs with intended parents out there, because otherwise they wouldn't need this. So why can't I really find any?? Also, they put in effort and get money for drafting the agreement, so they don't want anyone lifting it.
Got most of the medical records that the genetic counselor asked for and sent. All I need is my cystic fibrosis blood test from when I was pregnant (I'm sure I've had plenty of those)...
I want to start this so badly!!
Our attorney with the surrogate agency sent us a first draft copy of the agreement between us and Gabby. We get to see it first before it's sent to Gabby's attorney.
Overall I'm very pleased with it. They included a bunch of stuff in there we had talked about months ago, and I'm not accustomed to that level of competence :)Ok, usually that's doctors.
Being an attorney myself, of course I had things to change in it. I asked for them to send me a copy in word (they sent it in PDF) so I could redline and tracked changes to it and she did right away. Yeah! I like her already.
They held the amount we are paying Gabby herself down to the original amount we wanted. Before we knew who Gabby was, we were told she was looking for $3K more. ($3K is probably what PGS is going to cost us, so I would like to not pay that if needed). They told us they weren't sure if we could do it. Maybe we still can't and Gabby's attorney will ask for more, but I'm glad they at least put what we asked for to start with.
The amounts for multiples is higher than we otherwise thought, so I'm asking about it. I have no shame. Luckily, I *mostly* do contracts all day long at work (when I'm not going to depositions for uncomfortable things - seriously, yesterday it was about pornography at work - who does such a thing??? Ok, I digress...) so I am in my element track changing contracts. I figure, we'll ask and we'll see what the answer is. May not have a choice in the end, but if you don't ask you'll never know!
There's actually a clause in the agreement that no part of it will be put on any website. This must mean there are a lot of blogs with intended parents out there, because otherwise they wouldn't need this. So why can't I really find any?? Also, they put in effort and get money for drafting the agreement, so they don't want anyone lifting it.
Got most of the medical records that the genetic counselor asked for and sent. All I need is my cystic fibrosis blood test from when I was pregnant (I'm sure I've had plenty of those)...
I want to start this so badly!!
Friday, March 9, 2012
CD 49
Well, I'm not pregnant. But according to the b/w taken at my RE's office I do seem to have ovulated. My progesterone was post ovulation but my HCG was negative and we haven't DTD in so long there's no way I was pregnant anyway.
I had baselines done today to see where I was in my cycle and an ultrasound. I can't tell you how much I hoped (even knowing it was stupid) that it would somehow show a baby in my uterus. 5 or 6 weeks along - a total surprise. I'm definitely "Movie of the Week" material, haha. Anyway, no such luck, but I'm guessing I did ovulate a week ago when I was wondering if I was or not. I have no idea why I didn't O until day 40-something. It's fine, I should get AF in another week or so then, and then start my BCP which I picked up today.
We went to Boston to do our PGS counseling yesterday. It was pretty good actually. It wasn't that helpful to explain stuff to us because we know how it works, but it was actually helpful to talk about our family medical history in depth.
My grandmother died from ovarian cancer and my mother told me some years ago that she tested positive for some gene that is prevalent for ovarian cancer - so 5 or so years ago she had a hysterectomy since she was in her early 50s and there was no need anymore for a uterus. That way she didn't have to worry about getting ovarian cancer.
It turns out L's aunt died from breast cancer at 48 and his grandmother died from ovarian cancer at 44. The genetic counselor told us those two cancers share a gene and there's a chance that L, even as a male, carries it. If I carry my mother's/grandmother's gene as well that could put any kids at risk for that cancer later in life. Not that it would affect anything right now, but it's really good to know.
We're going to meet with an adult geneticist to take a look at whether my heart condition is a hereditary condition (not likely as no one else in my family has one) or just a fluke of nature/environmental issue while in the womb. That doctor will be able to suggest things we can do PGD for later on. Otherwise, we'll just do PGS.
So I've learned the difference:
PGD = pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. If you're looking for a specific disease you use this. (i.e. my heart condition if there's a genetic component).
PGS = pre-implantation genetic screening. A general screening for any possible genetic disease (I think there are basic things they look for).
Because of our "mediterranean heritages" (haha, never thought of it that way) she wants to see if we have had any bloodwork done for thalassemia. It's also called "mediterranean anemia" and I'm sure someone in one of our families would have had this by now if we did, but hey, we're looking at everything.
I also need to send her the results of the karyotypes we had done a few years ago, bloodwork I've had done when pregnant (results of cystic fibrosis tests and the like) and my mom's genetic test if I can get it. Besides looking for stuff for PGD, I'm going to be able to get a genetic test (and maybe L as well) to see what genes we have to see if we're susceptible to cancer later on in life as well. It's kind of cool.
I got an email from the attorney that is representing us with the surrogacy (really a surrogate agency attorney) saying she's planning on sending our surrogate agreement to us to look over next week. Took them long enough, sheesh. I really think it's a template for the most part, there's really no excuse.
Hoping Gabby's screening happens sometimes soon.
I had baselines done today to see where I was in my cycle and an ultrasound. I can't tell you how much I hoped (even knowing it was stupid) that it would somehow show a baby in my uterus. 5 or 6 weeks along - a total surprise. I'm definitely "Movie of the Week" material, haha. Anyway, no such luck, but I'm guessing I did ovulate a week ago when I was wondering if I was or not. I have no idea why I didn't O until day 40-something. It's fine, I should get AF in another week or so then, and then start my BCP which I picked up today.
We went to Boston to do our PGS counseling yesterday. It was pretty good actually. It wasn't that helpful to explain stuff to us because we know how it works, but it was actually helpful to talk about our family medical history in depth.
My grandmother died from ovarian cancer and my mother told me some years ago that she tested positive for some gene that is prevalent for ovarian cancer - so 5 or so years ago she had a hysterectomy since she was in her early 50s and there was no need anymore for a uterus. That way she didn't have to worry about getting ovarian cancer.
It turns out L's aunt died from breast cancer at 48 and his grandmother died from ovarian cancer at 44. The genetic counselor told us those two cancers share a gene and there's a chance that L, even as a male, carries it. If I carry my mother's/grandmother's gene as well that could put any kids at risk for that cancer later in life. Not that it would affect anything right now, but it's really good to know.
We're going to meet with an adult geneticist to take a look at whether my heart condition is a hereditary condition (not likely as no one else in my family has one) or just a fluke of nature/environmental issue while in the womb. That doctor will be able to suggest things we can do PGD for later on. Otherwise, we'll just do PGS.
So I've learned the difference:
PGD = pre-implantation genetic diagnosis. If you're looking for a specific disease you use this. (i.e. my heart condition if there's a genetic component).
PGS = pre-implantation genetic screening. A general screening for any possible genetic disease (I think there are basic things they look for).
Because of our "mediterranean heritages" (haha, never thought of it that way) she wants to see if we have had any bloodwork done for thalassemia. It's also called "mediterranean anemia" and I'm sure someone in one of our families would have had this by now if we did, but hey, we're looking at everything.
I also need to send her the results of the karyotypes we had done a few years ago, bloodwork I've had done when pregnant (results of cystic fibrosis tests and the like) and my mom's genetic test if I can get it. Besides looking for stuff for PGD, I'm going to be able to get a genetic test (and maybe L as well) to see what genes we have to see if we're susceptible to cancer later on in life as well. It's kind of cool.
I got an email from the attorney that is representing us with the surrogacy (really a surrogate agency attorney) saying she's planning on sending our surrogate agreement to us to look over next week. Took them long enough, sheesh. I really think it's a template for the most part, there's really no excuse.
Hoping Gabby's screening happens sometimes soon.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Rejection
Our one and only profiling opportunity came back as rejected today. Sigh...I really don't mind a rejection, per se, since it was our first one and who gets lucky on their first try? It just stinks that this has been our only opportunity since October 31, and we've been waiting to hear since mid-January.
I think the birth mom is a great person though. Been taking great care of herself since the beginning, wants a close relationship with the adoptive family, and was so careful she gave medical information down to her grandmother's sister so the adoptive family would be aware of everything possible. That is wonderful. This baby boy will be very loved.
I just wish we were being considered for someone else.
On another front, my RE appt. is scheduled for Friday. I figure that gives my body a few more days to tell me what's going on. I'm on CD 46 and still nothing...by Friday it will be CD 49 - totally ridiculous. I don't think I will test again though - at this point it's not biologically possible to be pregnant any more!
PGS appointment in Boston on Thursday. Looking forward to having the day off from work - isn't that sad that I'm looking forward to driving 6+ hours for a doctor's appointment for the day off?
I think the birth mom is a great person though. Been taking great care of herself since the beginning, wants a close relationship with the adoptive family, and was so careful she gave medical information down to her grandmother's sister so the adoptive family would be aware of everything possible. That is wonderful. This baby boy will be very loved.
I just wish we were being considered for someone else.
On another front, my RE appt. is scheduled for Friday. I figure that gives my body a few more days to tell me what's going on. I'm on CD 46 and still nothing...by Friday it will be CD 49 - totally ridiculous. I don't think I will test again though - at this point it's not biologically possible to be pregnant any more!
PGS appointment in Boston on Thursday. Looking forward to having the day off from work - isn't that sad that I'm looking forward to driving 6+ hours for a doctor's appointment for the day off?
Sunday, March 4, 2012
CD44
Ok, so CD 43 came and went. BFN on a digital HPT and no longer feel like AF is about to come. But I am coming down with some cold or flu or something. I feel terrible :/
And now it is CD 44 and nothing. Maybe that really was a late O (we did not DTD) and I'm in the LT phase now? At what point do I go to the RE and ask for provera or whatever that med is to bring on AF?
Man, this has never happened before.
And now it is CD 44 and nothing. Maybe that really was a late O (we did not DTD) and I'm in the LT phase now? At what point do I go to the RE and ask for provera or whatever that med is to bring on AF?
Man, this has never happened before.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Where is AF?
This figures that I would be having *these* types of problems the month before we start a surrogacy/IVF cycle.
I am on day 42 of my current cycle. I have no idea when I ovulated, although I usually do ovulate every month. I tested on Day 39, it was negative. Have not done so since. Have felt PMSy for a week, but not much else. No overt pregnancy symptoms although I keep feeling like I'm really going to get my period at any moment.
I guess I will POAS again tomorrow? Part of me feels silly, but part of me is like, "WTF?" I've had no medical procedures done since my last IVF cycle in November, and that is usually the only thing that makes me run REALLY late (over 35 days). Yet last month was a 41 day cycle and tomorrow will be day 43.
I've had rather wet CM down there the last week, maybe week and a half. I keep thinking maybe I'm ovulating now? But I also had fertile CM around Valentine's Day then it disappeared. Usually when I ovulate I also break out something fierce, and I did back around then as well (this month was particularly bad). I am not having any acne issues right now. But I've had a ton of EWCM fluid today, wtf?
So I'm guessing I'm either pregnant or ovulating. For the first time ever, if I'm pregnant I'm going to be like, "Not this month!" We barely had sex this month because I've been so sick. Of course on Valentine's Day, we did! And that was the last time it could have "counted" if you know what I mean.
Being pregnant would screw everything up. (DID I JUST SAY THOSE WORDS??) I've got my BCP prescription ready to go when AF comes. Gabby's records are being screened at the Boston hospital. We have our PGS meeting next week. This is happening.
Now if I were a normal person and I was pregnant I wouldn't care about any of this stuff. Sorry, Gabby, the one thing I want most in this world happened and we're not going to need your services. Ok, so we'll have to pay OOP for the screening and such but we'll save money on everything else!
But nope, all I can think of is that I could be pregnant, and we don't need Gabby right now so she goes to someone else and then I miscarry. Because of course it will happen. And then I will again have no baby and no surrogate and no hopes for a baby. It'll be 2011 all over again.
Why didn't this occur to me on Valentine's Day?
Likely because after all we've been through and how I haven't gotten pregnant on my own since December 2008 (the other times were Clomid cycle, and 2 IVF cycles) I didn't think the likelihood was very high.
And I've done EVERYTHING wrong this month: exercise, alcohol, herbal remedies, hot baths, NO blood thinner injections, antibiotics. ANTIBIOTICS! I haven't been on those in years! Actually I don't think antibiotics really affect anything anyway but still...
And sex very few times.
But I'm being ridiculous. Tomorrow when I take the test and it is a BFN then I will be on day 43 with no idea of what's going on and no idea when AF will come. And I will be just as clueless then as I am right now.
But in case I'm ovulating L really really wants to have sex tonight.
But I can't. Even if the odds are super low that we get pregnant, how could I take the chance I could find out I'm pregnant literally days before we're supposed to start cycling?
It's the first time ever I think I'm going to turn L down for baby-making sex. I feel awful about it.
This is not a conversation I thought I would ever be having with myself.
I am on day 42 of my current cycle. I have no idea when I ovulated, although I usually do ovulate every month. I tested on Day 39, it was negative. Have not done so since. Have felt PMSy for a week, but not much else. No overt pregnancy symptoms although I keep feeling like I'm really going to get my period at any moment.
I guess I will POAS again tomorrow? Part of me feels silly, but part of me is like, "WTF?" I've had no medical procedures done since my last IVF cycle in November, and that is usually the only thing that makes me run REALLY late (over 35 days). Yet last month was a 41 day cycle and tomorrow will be day 43.
I've had rather wet CM down there the last week, maybe week and a half. I keep thinking maybe I'm ovulating now? But I also had fertile CM around Valentine's Day then it disappeared. Usually when I ovulate I also break out something fierce, and I did back around then as well (this month was particularly bad). I am not having any acne issues right now. But I've had a ton of EWCM fluid today, wtf?
So I'm guessing I'm either pregnant or ovulating. For the first time ever, if I'm pregnant I'm going to be like, "Not this month!" We barely had sex this month because I've been so sick. Of course on Valentine's Day, we did! And that was the last time it could have "counted" if you know what I mean.
Being pregnant would screw everything up. (DID I JUST SAY THOSE WORDS??) I've got my BCP prescription ready to go when AF comes. Gabby's records are being screened at the Boston hospital. We have our PGS meeting next week. This is happening.
Now if I were a normal person and I was pregnant I wouldn't care about any of this stuff. Sorry, Gabby, the one thing I want most in this world happened and we're not going to need your services. Ok, so we'll have to pay OOP for the screening and such but we'll save money on everything else!
But nope, all I can think of is that I could be pregnant, and we don't need Gabby right now so she goes to someone else and then I miscarry. Because of course it will happen. And then I will again have no baby and no surrogate and no hopes for a baby. It'll be 2011 all over again.
Why didn't this occur to me on Valentine's Day?
Likely because after all we've been through and how I haven't gotten pregnant on my own since December 2008 (the other times were Clomid cycle, and 2 IVF cycles) I didn't think the likelihood was very high.
And I've done EVERYTHING wrong this month: exercise, alcohol, herbal remedies, hot baths, NO blood thinner injections, antibiotics. ANTIBIOTICS! I haven't been on those in years! Actually I don't think antibiotics really affect anything anyway but still...
And sex very few times.
But I'm being ridiculous. Tomorrow when I take the test and it is a BFN then I will be on day 43 with no idea of what's going on and no idea when AF will come. And I will be just as clueless then as I am right now.
But in case I'm ovulating L really really wants to have sex tonight.
But I can't. Even if the odds are super low that we get pregnant, how could I take the chance I could find out I'm pregnant literally days before we're supposed to start cycling?
It's the first time ever I think I'm going to turn L down for baby-making sex. I feel awful about it.
This is not a conversation I thought I would ever be having with myself.
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