I want to die. Keel over, kick the bucket, etc.
My E2 only got up to 2100 at its highest. I shouldn't have OHSS, right? So why is this so bad??
This weekend BLEW. I was in bed from 11am Friday when I got home till this morning. Seriously, I didn't even get up to take a shower. So gross. That's how horrible it was.
It's getting SLIGHTLY better every day, but not significantly, not in that way when you say to yourself, "Oh wow, i feel better today." Just in the "I don't want to put a gun to my stomach and pull the trigger, but this still hurts pretty damn bad."
It's my stomach. Not even my uterus, which would make sense, but higher up - like, right below my boobs down to my belly button. My uterus is a bit sore, sure but nothing like my stomach. It's like the worst stomachache ever x 1,000,000. I think I have asciites or whatever that's called. A lot of fluid in my stomach. I actually had it after my first, terrible heart surgery, so I remember the pain (it actually was not THIS bad, believe it or not).
I just caved and called my RE just to make sure. I don't see how it can be OHSS since I didn't have THAT high of E2, but maybe it has to do more with the number of follicles you have, not your E2 number? With 17 maybe that's why?
All I know is that I don't understand how people with actual high E2 manage this. This is effing miserable. I can't do anything. I also am so so thirsty- like cotton mouth thirsty. I did Google enough to keep downing coconut water and gatorade, but STILL. Miserable I tell you.
I have the lowest pain tolerance, I swear. You would think it would be better given all my surgeries and stuff, but nope. Ugh.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Retrieval and Fertilization
Egg retrieval was on Friday. This being a new RE, it was a different experience. L got to be in there with me! That was pretty cool. I fell asleep sitting next to him and he was able to tell me everything that went on when I woke up.
They got 17 eggs. Not bad at all. I admit I thought they'd get some more (how bratty am I?) They kept asking if we were sure we didn't want to do ICSI, over and over again. We had talked about it and decided in advance not to. Our first cycle we did ICSI and only 5 out of 12 fertilized. I ended up with a chemical. Our second cycle (the horrible one where my E2 plummeted from 1300 to 350 right before retrieval) we didn't do ICSI (because they retrieved 18 and only 4 were mature) and 12 ended up fertilizing. Even though there may be no connection it made us less inclined to do ICSI ever again. But this place, like my old place, does ICSI for everyone, even if there's no male factor. I don't get it.
L's sperm is fine, motility, etc...we have no issues, so I don't understand why they push ICSI so much. I did some googling searching and couldn't find anything promoting ICSI unless there's male factor, fertilization problems, etc. So I felt good about not doing ICSI, until they asked me about 5 times if I was sure(guess this means I should never be interrogated by police, right? They'll have convinced me I'm guilty even though I'm innocent in about 5 minutes!) I was sure the first 3...then I started thinking maybe we should do it. L remained adamant in the end so I stuck with him, and I'm glad we did.
11/17 isn't awesome by any means, but I guess it's right on track with the 12/18 from last time. And that ended in my twin boys, so here's to hoping this ends up equally well (well, actually, better, since I miscarried last time).
We're already scheduled for a 5 day transfer on Weds.
They got 17 eggs. Not bad at all. I admit I thought they'd get some more (how bratty am I?) They kept asking if we were sure we didn't want to do ICSI, over and over again. We had talked about it and decided in advance not to. Our first cycle we did ICSI and only 5 out of 12 fertilized. I ended up with a chemical. Our second cycle (the horrible one where my E2 plummeted from 1300 to 350 right before retrieval) we didn't do ICSI (because they retrieved 18 and only 4 were mature) and 12 ended up fertilizing. Even though there may be no connection it made us less inclined to do ICSI ever again. But this place, like my old place, does ICSI for everyone, even if there's no male factor. I don't get it.
L's sperm is fine, motility, etc...we have no issues, so I don't understand why they push ICSI so much. I did some googling searching and couldn't find anything promoting ICSI unless there's male factor, fertilization problems, etc. So I felt good about not doing ICSI, until they asked me about 5 times if I was sure(guess this means I should never be interrogated by police, right? They'll have convinced me I'm guilty even though I'm innocent in about 5 minutes!) I was sure the first 3...then I started thinking maybe we should do it. L remained adamant in the end so I stuck with him, and I'm glad we did.
11/17 isn't awesome by any means, but I guess it's right on track with the 12/18 from last time. And that ended in my twin boys, so here's to hoping this ends up equally well (well, actually, better, since I miscarried last time).
We're already scheduled for a 5 day transfer on Weds.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Just a Petty Post
My SIL found out TODAY she is pregnant and announced it to everyone tonight. Way to keep that a secret for more than 3 seconds. Not looking forward to Thanksgiving tomorrow when that's all that will be discussed.
She is 4 years younger than me. She got married 2 months before me. She got engaged 2 years before me and because I tried to be nice and not steal her thunder we had an 18 month engagement so they could get married first. I've regretted doing that ever since. We could have started trying that much sooner. Out of all the friends and people who've gotten pregnant in the last 3+ years, I wanted to be pregnant before her. And have my baby. I accomplished the first but never for very long. And now here's another person who just has no problem.
L and I are the oldest in our families so I'm used to being first for everything. I know it sounds bratty. It was hard enough not to be the first to get married in his family (even though I was the first in my family's generation) to be married. I thought for sure, starting 3 years ago that we would be the first to have a baby. Nope.
And she's a teacher. And has it perfectly planned out (she's due in July) for her job. Isn't it great to be her?
Yes this post is petty. I'm just pissed. She announces she's pregnant today and I get to trigger. Awesome.
She is 4 years younger than me. She got married 2 months before me. She got engaged 2 years before me and because I tried to be nice and not steal her thunder we had an 18 month engagement so they could get married first. I've regretted doing that ever since. We could have started trying that much sooner. Out of all the friends and people who've gotten pregnant in the last 3+ years, I wanted to be pregnant before her. And have my baby. I accomplished the first but never for very long. And now here's another person who just has no problem.
L and I are the oldest in our families so I'm used to being first for everything. I know it sounds bratty. It was hard enough not to be the first to get married in his family (even though I was the first in my family's generation) to be married. I thought for sure, starting 3 years ago that we would be the first to have a baby. Nope.
And she's a teacher. And has it perfectly planned out (she's due in July) for her job. Isn't it great to be her?
Yes this post is petty. I'm just pissed. She announces she's pregnant today and I get to trigger. Awesome.
Trigger tonight
My uterus feels like it's humming. Hmm...
Today's appointment shows that I'm indeed ready to pop (hell if I can never say that while pregnant, I'm going to say it now). They stopped counting at 18 follies, and there are likely more/bigger ones. I do still have that one outlier at 25 that they're going to sacrifice, but the others are all around 18 right now.
My E2 came back today slightly lower than Monday's. Man, am I sensitive to the drugs or what? I was 2109 on Monday and am 2023 today. I asked if I should be concerned with the drop and they said no, it just means it's time to do trigger.
So I'm triggering tonight for a retrieval on Friday morning. Ugh, I'm so uncomfortable and so bloated right now, but I don't feel as sick as I did on Monday. My guess was that it was the big increase (from 160 to over 2100 in a matter of 5 days!) Now that it's leveled out I'm better adjusted.
L and I also applied for a private loan at our local credit union earlier this month, as we need to have a lot of money on hand at a moment's notice if we get an adoption call. We've been playing phone tag with the bank because we don't have any need for the money right now but they finally got ahold of me today and I asked when the latest we could "close" on the loan was. Technically it's 30 days from date of application but I explained that we needed it for adoption and the lady said she'd speak to her manager to see what they could do. She just called me back and said that while they couldn't hold it open for ever, they would check in with me every 2 weeks or so to see how things are going. I'm hopeful that when they get sick of waiting THEN we can close on the loan (instead of having to reapply all over again). Even if that only gets us an additional month before having to close, hey, that's one less month of having to pay interest on a loan we're not even using right now. Yay credit unions - where you're treated like an actual person and they care about your story!
Hoping I'll be able to enjoy T-day tomorrow without feeling like a beached whale :)
Happy Thanksgiving!
Today's appointment shows that I'm indeed ready to pop (hell if I can never say that while pregnant, I'm going to say it now). They stopped counting at 18 follies, and there are likely more/bigger ones. I do still have that one outlier at 25 that they're going to sacrifice, but the others are all around 18 right now.
My E2 came back today slightly lower than Monday's. Man, am I sensitive to the drugs or what? I was 2109 on Monday and am 2023 today. I asked if I should be concerned with the drop and they said no, it just means it's time to do trigger.
So I'm triggering tonight for a retrieval on Friday morning. Ugh, I'm so uncomfortable and so bloated right now, but I don't feel as sick as I did on Monday. My guess was that it was the big increase (from 160 to over 2100 in a matter of 5 days!) Now that it's leveled out I'm better adjusted.
L and I also applied for a private loan at our local credit union earlier this month, as we need to have a lot of money on hand at a moment's notice if we get an adoption call. We've been playing phone tag with the bank because we don't have any need for the money right now but they finally got ahold of me today and I asked when the latest we could "close" on the loan was. Technically it's 30 days from date of application but I explained that we needed it for adoption and the lady said she'd speak to her manager to see what they could do. She just called me back and said that while they couldn't hold it open for ever, they would check in with me every 2 weeks or so to see how things are going. I'm hopeful that when they get sick of waiting THEN we can close on the loan (instead of having to reapply all over again). Even if that only gets us an additional month before having to close, hey, that's one less month of having to pay interest on a loan we're not even using right now. Yay credit unions - where you're treated like an actual person and they care about your story!
Hoping I'll be able to enjoy T-day tomorrow without feeling like a beached whale :)
Happy Thanksgiving!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Okey dokey
Looks like most likely I will do trigger on Weds. followed by ER on Friday. Which sort of sucks because we were going down to visit family for Thanksgiving,so we will have to leave at a decent hour to come back Thursday night.
Today I officially "exploded", I feel. I've felt icky all weekend long. No wonder, my little ovaries have almost doubled in size since we began stims. I have a ton of follicles now...they only measured about 10 but they were so squished together they couldn't measure them properly. My lining is just under 10 and triple right now, and the follicles are measuring mostly between 14 and 18 mm...which a few smaller around 12mm (guessing these won't catch up in time) and 1 outlier at 23mm. The nurse said they would probably just sacrifice the big one since i have so many smaller yet still good sized ones.
And my E2 was out of control - 2100. And L and I made the decision on Friday night to keep the stims at the level the RE recommended (still on 3 Bravelle and 2 menopur) because as L said, I had tripled the previous two days and he was nervous about it doing it again. So even with the recommended dosage I still more than doubled (in 3 days).
Just got a call from the nurse telling me to lower my dosage back down to 2 vials Bravelle and 1 menopur. I asked if they were worried my levels were too high/overstimulation/cancellation and she said no. As long as my levels don't decrease I'm fine with staying at this level of E2. Now all we need is for the follicles to increase.
2100...just imagine - never gotten to that point before! 1300 is where I always maxed out.
Looks like Lupron was never for me.
Today I officially "exploded", I feel. I've felt icky all weekend long. No wonder, my little ovaries have almost doubled in size since we began stims. I have a ton of follicles now...they only measured about 10 but they were so squished together they couldn't measure them properly. My lining is just under 10 and triple right now, and the follicles are measuring mostly between 14 and 18 mm...which a few smaller around 12mm (guessing these won't catch up in time) and 1 outlier at 23mm. The nurse said they would probably just sacrifice the big one since i have so many smaller yet still good sized ones.
And my E2 was out of control - 2100. And L and I made the decision on Friday night to keep the stims at the level the RE recommended (still on 3 Bravelle and 2 menopur) because as L said, I had tripled the previous two days and he was nervous about it doing it again. So even with the recommended dosage I still more than doubled (in 3 days).
Just got a call from the nurse telling me to lower my dosage back down to 2 vials Bravelle and 1 menopur. I asked if they were worried my levels were too high/overstimulation/cancellation and she said no. As long as my levels don't decrease I'm fine with staying at this level of E2. Now all we need is for the follicles to increase.
2100...just imagine - never gotten to that point before! 1300 is where I always maxed out.
Looks like Lupron was never for me.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Woohoo!!!
Yay yay yay!! Appt. this morning with the same bitchy nurse who gave me such attitude two nights ago, but it went well. I was much more pleasant, she asked me straight out if I had raised the Bravelle so it wasn't even uncomfortable when I said yes AND she looked relieved that I had. Didn't tell her we did 4 Bravelle vials on Weds. and only that we did the 3 yesterday.
My follicles still haven't gone much of anywhere, which made me concerned at the time. Now ranging between 10-13 (almost 14). In a way that's great, none are out in front ahead of the others. But sheesh, when will they kick into gear?
My E2 levels? I've been stalking the portal...494!!! Wahoo!!! That is triple what they were on Weds. Very good. I was hoping for at least 400, secretly hoping for 500. Pretty much there. Now I need to be careful, because it still appears that my follicles are not really dispensing the E2 given their size, and that number based on the FSH I'm injecting. At some point (I'm thinking when greater than 15-16mm) the follicles will take over and start producing their own E2 and then I will need to be very careful about the amount I'm injecting.
But as for right now, this is good. I'm SO glad I didn't add merely one menopur like they originally said. I'm not even upset I did that extra vial on Weds. night. While the numbers triple, the follicles haven't "exploded" and started going nuts, far from it. It's so nice to see me actually respond to something!
I'm beginning to see this really isn't rocket science. I feel like i have a good handle on this works, and since they're giving the nurses the ability to make med changes themselves without much info, I don't feel nearly as bad changing my dosage myself. While the nurses may have seen more patients, no one has seen me for 3 cycles except me and L.
So now, I'm back to debating what to do. Things have progressed so well, they will keep me on the 3 Bravelle, 2 Menopur, but I am debating doing 3.5 vials myself (originally I debated going back to 4 if my E2 still sucked (but was at least 300) but I don't think so at this point. I'm basing this on my previous cycles, where i would get to 800 and then never double again. After around 800, I'd go to 1100 then maybe 1300, despite them upping the dosage. So since I've taken an AVERAGE of 3.5 vials of Bravelle over the last two nights, i'm half afraid taking 3 vials for the next three days (I go back on Monday morning) will actually serve as a DECREASE in the dosage.
L and I will talk about it tonight. I almost wish I was going back in 2 days instead of 3 so I would have an earlier idea on if I will take off or act like I usually do. But I'm thinking that my follies will range between 14-16mm on Monday (fingers crossed) and still won't be anywhere near trigger size. I'm aiming for my E2 to be around 1100-1200 on Monday as well.
So, leaning towards the 3.5 instead of the 3 vials, although I might compromise with myself and do 3.5 today and tomorrow and only 3 on Sunday night. We'll see. But at least I'm finally starting to get somewhere! Never thought I'd be saying that with "only" an E2 of 494 on Day 12 of stims!
My follicles still haven't gone much of anywhere, which made me concerned at the time. Now ranging between 10-13 (almost 14). In a way that's great, none are out in front ahead of the others. But sheesh, when will they kick into gear?
My E2 levels? I've been stalking the portal...494!!! Wahoo!!! That is triple what they were on Weds. Very good. I was hoping for at least 400, secretly hoping for 500. Pretty much there. Now I need to be careful, because it still appears that my follicles are not really dispensing the E2 given their size, and that number based on the FSH I'm injecting. At some point (I'm thinking when greater than 15-16mm) the follicles will take over and start producing their own E2 and then I will need to be very careful about the amount I'm injecting.
But as for right now, this is good. I'm SO glad I didn't add merely one menopur like they originally said. I'm not even upset I did that extra vial on Weds. night. While the numbers triple, the follicles haven't "exploded" and started going nuts, far from it. It's so nice to see me actually respond to something!
I'm beginning to see this really isn't rocket science. I feel like i have a good handle on this works, and since they're giving the nurses the ability to make med changes themselves without much info, I don't feel nearly as bad changing my dosage myself. While the nurses may have seen more patients, no one has seen me for 3 cycles except me and L.
So now, I'm back to debating what to do. Things have progressed so well, they will keep me on the 3 Bravelle, 2 Menopur, but I am debating doing 3.5 vials myself (originally I debated going back to 4 if my E2 still sucked (but was at least 300) but I don't think so at this point. I'm basing this on my previous cycles, where i would get to 800 and then never double again. After around 800, I'd go to 1100 then maybe 1300, despite them upping the dosage. So since I've taken an AVERAGE of 3.5 vials of Bravelle over the last two nights, i'm half afraid taking 3 vials for the next three days (I go back on Monday morning) will actually serve as a DECREASE in the dosage.
L and I will talk about it tonight. I almost wish I was going back in 2 days instead of 3 so I would have an earlier idea on if I will take off or act like I usually do. But I'm thinking that my follies will range between 14-16mm on Monday (fingers crossed) and still won't be anywhere near trigger size. I'm aiming for my E2 to be around 1100-1200 on Monday as well.
So, leaning towards the 3.5 instead of the 3 vials, although I might compromise with myself and do 3.5 today and tomorrow and only 3 on Sunday night. We'll see. But at least I'm finally starting to get somewhere! Never thought I'd be saying that with "only" an E2 of 494 on Day 12 of stims!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Self-Medicated
The actual doctor called us this morning. I made L answer the phone because I didn't trust that I could act with courtesy. He apologized for the lack of communication yesterday but insisted that going this slow was fine and he didn't see the need to push up the meds any more.
But I medicated myself last night, with L's help. I just don't believe them. It may work for other people, but this is my 3rd IVF cycle and it is not working for me. So we jacked up the meds on our own last night. Alot. Did the 300 iu of Bravelle (4 vials), up from 2 vials, and added a menopur. Tonight we will go down to 3 vials of Bravelle. But all they had told me to do was add that one menopur.
So tomorrow at my appt. when they ask me about my meds (because they ask what I'm on every time, despite the fact that they know it) I can't lie. I don't want them to think that any growth is due to their stupid dosing.
I guess i just don't see the problem with dosing high for a few days. If it actually was too much, they can always drop my dosage (or I can, since I did it on my own). But honestly, I'm terrified that tomorrow my E2 will STILL be under 300). At that point, I think it's time to shut the whole thing down...
I don't know what they're going to say when I tell them I dosed myself. To be perfectly honest, I'm only going to admit to the 3 I took tonight (the one extra Bravelle vial, instead of 2) and I'm going to blame it on the fact that that stupid nurse I spoke to last evening told me I could take an extra Bravelle if I wanted to. she didn't look anything up, didn't even know what day I was but she said so, so even though it's not in my record to do so, I did it.
FX for tomorrow. Please let me see some growth. Pretty pretty please.
But I medicated myself last night, with L's help. I just don't believe them. It may work for other people, but this is my 3rd IVF cycle and it is not working for me. So we jacked up the meds on our own last night. Alot. Did the 300 iu of Bravelle (4 vials), up from 2 vials, and added a menopur. Tonight we will go down to 3 vials of Bravelle. But all they had told me to do was add that one menopur.
So tomorrow at my appt. when they ask me about my meds (because they ask what I'm on every time, despite the fact that they know it) I can't lie. I don't want them to think that any growth is due to their stupid dosing.
I guess i just don't see the problem with dosing high for a few days. If it actually was too much, they can always drop my dosage (or I can, since I did it on my own). But honestly, I'm terrified that tomorrow my E2 will STILL be under 300). At that point, I think it's time to shut the whole thing down...
I don't know what they're going to say when I tell them I dosed myself. To be perfectly honest, I'm only going to admit to the 3 I took tonight (the one extra Bravelle vial, instead of 2) and I'm going to blame it on the fact that that stupid nurse I spoke to last evening told me I could take an extra Bravelle if I wanted to. she didn't look anything up, didn't even know what day I was but she said so, so even though it's not in my record to do so, I did it.
FX for tomorrow. Please let me see some growth. Pretty pretty please.
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