Welcome ICLWers

Hi ICLWers and welcome to my blog. I have bullet points to my "story" down the side of my blog, but it's really long by this point so let me give you a summary here.

DH and I have been married since 2007 (we were high school sweethearts who dated a looonng time before getting married) and trying to have a child since 2008. In that time I've had 5 pregnancies (or really 4, but one was twins) and have miscarried all, the most recent being twins at 11 weeks in June. I've been tested for recurrent loss to no avail, and the D&C genetic testing showed chromosomally normal boys, so all doctors are stumped. As you can imagine, this has been very hard for us.

I am currently towards the end of a 2ww for my first FET. Today is 12dpo and I'm pretty sure it didn't work. I had two 2BB thawed embies transferred last week and today I got a BFN on a FRER. It just feels like I can't catch a break.

We also started the adoption process back in February, but it was on hold for a few months when we last got pregnant. However, since losing the last pregnancy, we kicked it into high gear and just got matched with a social worker to write our homestudy. Our first meeting will be next week, and it looks like if everything goes smoothly our profile will be ready to present by November 1st!

I am hopeful one way or another we will have a baby within the next year, but the length of time and heartbreak that has gone on has really made me a much sadder person. I don't think I will ever begin to reclaim myself until I have a child one way or another though, so we keep trying. Not trying means not getting to where I want to be.

Thanks for reading!

Pics

I had a little bit more cramping today, which scared the bejeezus out of me. I am freaking out about every.little.thing. I just can't stop. I am having a hard time believing in this pregnancy. I need beta day to come, and a good beta as well. Not that I'll relax even then, but I at least need that. I am so pessimistic about this, even though as of right now, I have no reason to be. Why can't I just be happy?

Here are some pics of my HPTs. You can see at 2dp5dt it was negative; no more trigger. At 4dp5dt you can just see the faintest of lines. The CBE on 5dp5dt was obviously positive.

Here are comparisons of my two FRERs. I actually made a mistake on the bottom one - that was from 4dpt, not 5dpt. The one on top is correct - 6dp5dt.

I also took an Accuclear test today, just because I wanted to be reassured. Yep, still positive.