Thursday, September 30, 2010


Compared to all the trips I took last year to Boston, yesterday was fairly uneventful.  Strange, but in a good way.

No matter how early we seem to leave, we never seem to make it on time. Hit traffic (after rush hour) on the way into Boston which made us about 15 min. late. K dropped me off in front before finding a parking spot and I made my way to the surgery intake, bc…well that’s all I ever did last year.  Ha, apparently for a regular doctor appt. you don’t have to go there.  Whoops :) I haven’t had a “regular” appt. in more than a year and a half!

Up at the office I checked in and filled out new paperwork as to which meds I’m on. Ugh, had to fill out all the fertility drugs I’ve been on in the last year.  Then got called for height and weight. I tried to refuse getting my weight taken – I’m 20lbs up from surgery and Dr. Mike had told me to lose weight last time he saw me so that wasn’t going to anyway.  The technician is like, “Don’t worry, only you and the Dr. will see.”  I said to her, “That’s exactly what I don’t want to happen!” She asked, “What, are you afraid he’s going to yell at you?”  “Yes,” I replied.  (Not that Dr. Mike yells, of course, but I just didn’t want to HEAR it.

Had my echo, and the two women doing it seemed totally incompetent. They couldn’t find my pulmonary artery.  Considering that’s what I had surgery FOR, it seemed suspect.  But that hospital is so so cool, they had a tv right next to my bed and put on Sweet Home Alabama for me while they did the test. AWE-SOME.

Then did my EKG and saw Disty, Dr. Mike’s PA. I don’t know if she rubbed off on him or he rubbed off on her, but she is another great one. I talked with her all about IVF and stuff and she thought that I might need to take some diuretics but otherwise was fine.  Then Dr. Mike came in, talking as he walked in saying, “I’m not going to yell at you Michelle.” So thanks technician, for telling him I said that!

We talked a little while about fertility stuff and IVF and what might need to happen, and Disty tried to get me to do the stress test again if I wanted to.  I told her I didn’t want to and Dr. Mike said, “Good, no stress test.  Disty likes to get people to do these all the time, and I just don’t get it,” in a total joking way. To which Disty replied, “I actually would like it every day, but I just keep getting told people have lives!” It was pretty funny.

Then they told me I had a V/Q lung scan next to do.  The lung scan is when they hook you up to an IV and run some radioactive tracer through you to show the blood circulation through the lungs (which get their blood from the heart, and again, what my surgery was about).  I hesitated and asked if there was any problem doing that if there was any possibility I was pregnant (and yes, I know it would be super early and odds are I’m not even pregnant anyway but I just don’t want to ruin anything) and again Disty asked what medical procedure I had done. I told her IUI and she had no idea, and I was about to explain when Dr. Mike jumped in and pointed to his stomach (which honestly, was really funny considering he doesn’t have the plumbing at all) and said, “Nope, we’re not going to do that one today either.”

So, I was done.  They have however, signed me up for all these tests to do next year, PLUS a cMRI, which I thought I couldn’t get. I remember when I was pregnant the first time and they did one, it was the one time I ever saw Dr. Mike PISSED because Columbia (my first hospital) had put in coils that blocked the MRI machine from seeing anything.  K tells me it’s because they needed to know how my lung anatomy was and there was no other way at that time to see it, and Disty says they want to see the heart, not the lungs next time.  I don’t get it, but I trust they know what they’re doing.

O2 sats were 97%!!! At home my machine also reads that but it’s not the super professional medical one they have at the hospital so I was wondering how accurate it was. (K’s also read 97% and he was sorta pissed I was the same as him :) )

Anyway, this was really boring and pointless, but it’s reassuring at the same time.

And he didn’t yell at me, but he got his point across anyway.  Bleh.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

IUI #2... over.  Went even better than the first. No pain whatsoever.

K’s sample was huge, according to the nurse. LOL, he liked hearing that. 405 MILLION?!?! Last time is was 220M, which was still more than enough. All you need is 20M.

I go to see Dr. Mike tomorrow in Boston. First time in a year. I can’t believe it’s been about a year since my last cath! I’m not looking forward to it of course, I always thought that i’d be pregnant the next time I saw him.

I got the automated confirmation call last night and then the receptionist calls me at 9am to tell me they want to add a stress test onto all the other tests tomorrow.  Why all of a sudden?

And, I called them back to say no.  Stress tests are meant to max you out, and I don’t want to max myself out the day after an IUI.  I told the receptionist I couldn’t due to a medical procedure, and she wanted to know what kind. Bleh, so I told her and then asked if I could come back just for the stress test. she apparently thought I wanted to reschedule everything, so she said she was going to talk to PA (Disty, I presume) and get back to me.  Maybe if they’re insistent on the stress test, I will.  I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with me, it’s just a check up, and the only real reason I wanted to see Dr. Mike was to discuss whether I can do IVF if it’s needed. Like I had to double check about taking estrogen. I’d prefer to do it in person because it gives me more time, but if they want to reschedule I’ll just ask if he can call me.

Man, I saw Dr. Mike so much all last year I miss him! I would like to see him again, but I’m not doing a stress test. I don’t even know if it would really do anything, but when I’m not pregnant October 14th I don’t want to think it’s because of the stress test, you know?

Monday, September 27, 2010

CD 9

I went for more blood work and another U/S on CD 7, Saturday. I was seriously so scared of the answer.  The nurse who I saw that morning (before my results came back) also thought it was a cyst.  So I’d heard: CD 3 – cyst, CD 5- follicle, CD 7- cyst…and it was driving me nuts.

I didn’t get a call until late on Saturday.  It appears that I have completely thrown off these specialists, because the nurse told me that Dr. Horvath had looked at my chart – the head of the whole place.  My estrogen went up again, from 180 to 221, and they said I was having a dyssynchronous cycle (which is from what I can  tell, means “Out of Whack”). So glad they figured that out on their own!

So they told me to keep taking OPKs and call them if it became positive, or if I never ovulated and got AF, to call them to start again next cycle.

Wow, that was also so not very helpful.

Nonetheless, when I woke up the morning I had a positive OPK.

So I’m going to O on CD10. Craziness. I will have gotten to ovulate twice this month. Sometimes I don’t even ovulate once every two months!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

CD 5

I’m still in limbo over my RE appt. this morning, even though I’m expecting a call any minute and pretty much know what the answer is.

The same woman who did my U/S on Tuesday did it today. On Tuesday she told me I had a 23 mm and a 13 mm cyst.  Today she says that I have a 21 mm follicle on my right side (same side as the cyst on Tuesday).

It’s like last cycle, but even more screwed up.  Or something.  I said to her, “Um, you told me 2 days ago it was a cyst. ” She says, “Well it looks like a follicle, but I guess we need to do bloodwork to see for sure.”

Honestly, if a cyst and a follicle look that much alike, this is so NOT an exact science.

Plus, lady, think about it. I’m on CD FIVE.  Without any meds so far this month.  My period isn’t even totally gone yet, and you think I have a 21mm follicle? That would mean I’d be ovulating in about 2-3 days…CD8? Yea, let’s think about this.

To be totally fair, she didn’t remember the size of the cyst I had on Tuesday but I do.  If I’d had a 15 mm cyst on Tuesday and she told me 21mm today, I might be convinced it could be a follicle. But follicles don’t decrease in size.  Only cysts can.

So anyway, she said she thought it was a follicle anyway, so I go into another nurse to get B/W done. And she says, “Looks like you have 2 cysts on your right side. So no meds.”

At which point I say, “Ok, which do I have? A cyst or a follicle?  Because the other lady just got through telling me she thought it was a follicle. Which, I think she’s probably wrong, but why did she say it was a follicle and then right down on the sheet you’re reading from that it’s a cyst.”

So she was totally confused and said they’d look at the B/W and call me.  This was at 8:30am, and it’s 2:30pm and I’m still waiting.  Although I’m 98% certain it’s a cyst (or two).

So I don’t know what they’ll do. They didn’t mention BC again.  They said they’d probably just monitor me and wait for me to O on my own.  Could be another looong cycle then, sigh.

In other news, DH called Cayce today to ask about counselors who specialize in infertility for me.  So I stop breaking down on him :) No, totally just kidding.  I’m glad.  I hope I can find someone who takes my insurance or something.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

This Sucks

I’m expecting my period tomorrow. I’m technically 16dpo today, but in reality I think I’m 15dpo, which would mean my period’s due tomorrow.

This sucks for a many reasons.
  1. DH gave me the trigger shot on Mon. 8/30.  It was supposed to make me ovulate on Weds. 9/1, the day I had my IUI. Sperm in IUI don’t live as long as regular sperm in regular sex, only 6-12 hours, so IUI has to be carefully timed with ovulation.  My luteal phase is always 15 days. I may take forever to ovulate, but once I do, it’s always exactly 15 days till I get AF.  Never been different in the 2 years I’ve been charting. Today is 16dpo, and normally when I should have gotten AF.  That would line up with my IUI date.  But no AF, though I’ve had 2 days of spotting (Which isn’t normal).  Which means, if I get AF tomorrow instead, I really didn’t O on my IUI day but the next day after, rendering my IUI totally useless. Don’t get me wrong, we DTD anyway the next day, but obviously we’ve been DTD for 20 months now and nothing’s worked.
  2. 9/2 was our anniversary.  If I O’d on 9/2 it would have been so nice to be pregnant this month because it’d be an anniversary baby.
My temps plummeted the last few days. I was honestly shocked I didn’t get AF today. perhaps the progesterone is keeping it away, but I would have thought it would keep my temps up and they are low.  I was supposed to go get bloodwork done at the RE today to get beta levels, but I canceled that yesterday thinking for sure I was going to get AF today and why waste the co-pay?  But now I regret it, since I could stop the progesterone if it was negative and let AF come. Now I’m afraid it’s a positive beta and will “kill” anything growing by stopping the progesterone.

Which is totally silly, especially because of my temps and I also POAS tonight.  BFN of course.  But I’m going to POAS tomorrow morning with FMU just to make totally sure. Even at 15dpo I’m pretty darn sure it would be a BFP by now if it were going to be, but of course I’m nervous. Blah.

I had a total breakdown last night and poor K had to pick up the pieces. I mean, hyperventilating, crying so hard my nose was so stuffed and I thought I might pass out because I couldn’t breathe. And honestly, I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have minded passing out to not have to deal with the pain for a little while, you know?

I think we’re going to start going forward on the adoption front. I NEED a baby. I don’t just want a baby, I need one. I guess we’ll keep doing other things in the meantime in hopes of getting pregnant, but at the end of the day, I want my baby, adopted or biological in our home.

If it wasn’t for my temps I would still hold out hope I was PG, but they are so far below my coverline it’s not even funny. Still tonight I POAS and it was BFN.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Why Won't This Work?

I’ve been sick as a dog the past few days, migraines, nausea, feeling generally like shit.  I don’t usually get migraines anymore (ever since I had my surgery) so it’s been strange.  Then yesterday my temperature plummeted. And today it plummeted again. I tested 13dpo and haven’t since, with the temp drops.  AF is due tomorrow and no doubt will be here right on schedule. Another month down the drain.

I am seriously getting panicked.  There is nothing “wrong” and yet even with IUI we can’t get pregnant? What the eff is going on here?  Something HAS to be wrong.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

IUI (#1??)

It’s done, IUI is complete. I’m back at work with some plastic bag-covered “sponge” stuck up my hooha and two tylenol in me.

It wasn’t so bad.  Worse for DH because he had to get up super early to get to the RE and do his thing into a plastic cup.  45 minutes later I was getting worried that he was having problems (because I think it would be hard for me to masturbate in a “public” place) when I checked my phone and saw he’d called 25 minutes earlier. Oh ok, not so hard for him then. LOL.

My IUI was at 11am and fairly straight forward. I was nervous about the catheter because it hurt so badly during my HSG and SHG.  I told Cayce (or Kayce, I can’t keep it straight) about it and luckily that was already in my chart so she knew.  She ran the speculum under hot water and I was thinking “Great, I won’t have this cold metal thing in me, it’ll be warm.” Well she started putting it in and I cried out, it was like burning metal searing my insides.  Not cool.  She took it out and ran cool water over it. Much better.

The catheter actually didn’t hurt when inserted, what a pleasant surprise.  Maybe since I’m ovulating and the cervix is more open, I’m guessing. It did hurt a bit when the semen was injected, but not much at all. Then she stuck the sponge thing up there and told me to lie and relax for 10 minutes, which I did.  That was it, I was back to work within the hour.

On my way back, my left ovary (or side) was cramping something FIERCE.  Maybe that was the actual ovulation? Who knows, but it was pretty darn painful, almost as bad as TOM.  But once I was back to work, it went away.

So…back into the 2ww I go. Haven’t seen a temperature rise yet but I’m hoping it comes tomorrow.  We shall see.  Countdown till Sept. 17th now.