We are "paper pregnant" or whatever the term is for finishing our homestudy. I like the term "on the market" but our SW-from-hell didn't really appreciate it. No sense of humor, that one.
I got through the last homestudy session by literally biting my tongue. Once again she brought up the fact that I cannot handle infertility treatments and adoption at the same time. Honestly, I would much prefer her to just say, "the agency doesn't allow it" because I am a goody-two shoes rule follower and would have no problem saying, "ok." But I don't think it actually is prohibited, which is why she never said that. However, I told her during the first and second meetings that I wouldn't do any fertility treatments once we were getting profiled and apparently it STILL wasn't good enough. She still needed to tell me how I feel ONCE again during our third and last homestudy meeting.
This time, I literally bit my tongue to keep quiet, stared her straight in the eyes so she would think I was listening, blocked out anything she was saying, and concentrated on precisely what color her eyes were. Slate gray, I think. Matches her personality.
But we got through it, and she only spent about 2 seconds looking over the house, so I feel like I cleaned it inside and out for nothing...grr... but it's over, and we're approved, and now we just get to wait. For how long? I have no idea...
L and I did end up calling my agency contact last week because I was so upset about her. The short of our conversation is that we don't have to work with her in the post-adoption placement home visits. So I sucked it up for our last pre-adoption home visit because I'd never have to see her again. I think they did talk to her as well because I could tell she was trying to be nicer. Still, we just didn't click at all.
She told us we should go out and buy a car carrier and pack 'n play because we don't know how much time we'll have if we get called quickly. I'm so hesitant to do that, because I don't want to have baby stuff hanging around (even in a closet) and making me sad. Plus, I want a travel system for the car carrier that I did pick out, but don't want to spend the money right now for no good reason. So I'm torn. I guarantee you if I buy something, it will be well over a year before we get placed, but if I don't, it'll happen quickly and we won't be prepared.
Showing posts with label homestudy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homestudy. Show all posts
Monday, October 24, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Ready to Revolt (and 2nd Homestudy meeting)
Do most people strongly dislike the social worker they are assigned to in their adoption? I heard that's not usually the case, but it is with us. My two closest friends, both social workers, are trying to make me feel better by calling her a "glorified secretary" but I'm still really upset. She's just so...judgy. L and I are goody-two shoes - I mean, neither of us have even so much TRIED pot in our lives, and she's making us feel terrible. I can't imagine what other (more normal) people have gone through.
The second homestudy meeting was two individual meetings, first with me, then with L. For the most part, it went better than the first meeting I thought. But then, towards the end, I was mentioning how we see a counselor about my infertility issues (something I thought would only show how much I was willing to deal and come to terms with my issues) and she just made me feel batshit crazy. She said, "You know, you really should have told the agency that, that's really important to know." Um, excuse me, I did!!
My first agency contact I told everything too. I don't lie, and I'm not hiding anything (hence why my SW and I had issues the first meeting). I TOLD my agency contact and even asked if I needed to get a note from our counselor and she told me no. So I really don't appreciate being lectured to like our SW did. Then she tries to go over our adopting/infertility treatments from last week telling me how important it is if we get pregnant to let the agency know because it's not fair to do both at the same time.
FUCK OFF. What was the first thing we did when I found out I was pregnant in April? Call the agency to put our stuff on hold. Again, don't lecture me because I've always done everything the way it should be done.
Unfortunately, my first agency contact left last month so I called up my new agency contact as soon as I got out of that meeting. She told me that our SW HAD ALREADY CALLED her. Jesus H. Christ. She didn't understand why my first agency contact had told us we didn't need a note from our counselor but said we did. Freaking pain in the ass, but fine. So we met with our counselor anyway that night so it was easy enough to ask for (hopefully she'll send everything in ASAP). I emailed my second agency contact (because we mailed in our adoption profiles on Friday - woot!) telling her everything should be on its way and we hope we don't get delayed because we had just been told.
Our third homestudy meeting (actually in our home) is scheduled for this Thursday. This morning I wake up to a message from our SW saying that she is confirming that our homestudy is delayed until we get our other paperwork in. WTF?!?! I called up my second agency contact right away (they are actually open today, imagine that!) and she said that's incorrect and we don't need to delay. So is my SW going off the rails or what? Is she going to refuse to see us until that paperwork is done? I don't know why the note, which is going to say "I don't see any issues with L and Ducky adopting" and ONLY that makes a difference in coming to our house. I'm going to be so pissed if our SW goes rogue and says she won't do it. (the timing was PERFECT because we're getting our carpets cleaned tomorrow and our cleaning lady comes Weds. morning. And we didn't even plan it this way!)
I'm so annoyed that this lady will be doing our post-adoption home visits as well. I can't stand her.
The second homestudy meeting was two individual meetings, first with me, then with L. For the most part, it went better than the first meeting I thought. But then, towards the end, I was mentioning how we see a counselor about my infertility issues (something I thought would only show how much I was willing to deal and come to terms with my issues) and she just made me feel batshit crazy. She said, "You know, you really should have told the agency that, that's really important to know." Um, excuse me, I did!!
My first agency contact I told everything too. I don't lie, and I'm not hiding anything (hence why my SW and I had issues the first meeting). I TOLD my agency contact and even asked if I needed to get a note from our counselor and she told me no. So I really don't appreciate being lectured to like our SW did. Then she tries to go over our adopting/infertility treatments from last week telling me how important it is if we get pregnant to let the agency know because it's not fair to do both at the same time.
FUCK OFF. What was the first thing we did when I found out I was pregnant in April? Call the agency to put our stuff on hold. Again, don't lecture me because I've always done everything the way it should be done.
Unfortunately, my first agency contact left last month so I called up my new agency contact as soon as I got out of that meeting. She told me that our SW HAD ALREADY CALLED her. Jesus H. Christ. She didn't understand why my first agency contact had told us we didn't need a note from our counselor but said we did. Freaking pain in the ass, but fine. So we met with our counselor anyway that night so it was easy enough to ask for (hopefully she'll send everything in ASAP). I emailed my second agency contact (because we mailed in our adoption profiles on Friday - woot!) telling her everything should be on its way and we hope we don't get delayed because we had just been told.
Our third homestudy meeting (actually in our home) is scheduled for this Thursday. This morning I wake up to a message from our SW saying that she is confirming that our homestudy is delayed until we get our other paperwork in. WTF?!?! I called up my second agency contact right away (they are actually open today, imagine that!) and she said that's incorrect and we don't need to delay. So is my SW going off the rails or what? Is she going to refuse to see us until that paperwork is done? I don't know why the note, which is going to say "I don't see any issues with L and Ducky adopting" and ONLY that makes a difference in coming to our house. I'm going to be so pissed if our SW goes rogue and says she won't do it. (the timing was PERFECT because we're getting our carpets cleaned tomorrow and our cleaning lady comes Weds. morning. And we didn't even plan it this way!)
I'm so annoyed that this lady will be doing our post-adoption home visits as well. I can't stand her.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
First Homestudy Meeting
I've had the worst period ever. Well at least the last few years. I had to actually take a couple of hydrocodone (the ones I had left over from when my periods were so painful - and they were expired) so I could tell how long it's been. I don't know why this one was so bad, when they haven't been that way for years now.
Yesterday was our first homestudy meeting. There will be three of them. The first was one with me and L at the social worker's office. The second one will be individual meetings at her office. Only the third will actually be in our home.
It went all right. I didn't get a warm and fuzzy feeling from her. She actually upset me so much at one point that I almost got really angry and started crying. I'm hoping I just misunderstood, but the more I think about it, the more I'm annoyed.
She asked if I was going to put IVF on hold while we were profiled. I wasn't sure what profiled meant so I told her no. I said we weren't trying right now but that didn't mean we wouldn't try again in the future. She told me while I didn't have to legally, I really needed to because adoption is so emotional and IVF is so emotional I really can't handle it. That's where I got really upset. Don't tell me anything is so emotional I can't handle it. I've handled two open heart surgeries, I've handled the loss of 5 babies, 2 IVF cycles, 1 FET AND done adoption paperwork to date, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I CAN HANDLE!!!
Then I stopped crying long enough to tell her maybe I just didn't understand what being "profiled" meant. She told me that's when we're matched with a birthmother. Which I totally didn't understand originally and which was fine with, at least initially. In my mind, we're going to finish our homestudy and wait months and months until we hear from the agency and I was being honest that I wasn't sure I was going to NOT do a cycle while I hear nothing. But if we're matched I of course wouldn't do anything. That I'm ok with. She said we should be profiled within 1 or 2 months. We'll see.
The more I think about it though, the more I realize it's just not as simple as that. What if I'm in the middle of a cycle when I get the call that we're matched? I'm not about to throw away a cycle or my money when nothing is definite. I wouldn't START a new one if we were matched, but IVF cycles are very long, and I think she doesn't realize it.
So nothing's simple, even in adoption (well especially in adoption, but you KWIM.) Still ignorance even there...
It's hard.
Yesterday was our first homestudy meeting. There will be three of them. The first was one with me and L at the social worker's office. The second one will be individual meetings at her office. Only the third will actually be in our home.
It went all right. I didn't get a warm and fuzzy feeling from her. She actually upset me so much at one point that I almost got really angry and started crying. I'm hoping I just misunderstood, but the more I think about it, the more I'm annoyed.
She asked if I was going to put IVF on hold while we were profiled. I wasn't sure what profiled meant so I told her no. I said we weren't trying right now but that didn't mean we wouldn't try again in the future. She told me while I didn't have to legally, I really needed to because adoption is so emotional and IVF is so emotional I really can't handle it. That's where I got really upset. Don't tell me anything is so emotional I can't handle it. I've handled two open heart surgeries, I've handled the loss of 5 babies, 2 IVF cycles, 1 FET AND done adoption paperwork to date, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I CAN HANDLE!!!
Then I stopped crying long enough to tell her maybe I just didn't understand what being "profiled" meant. She told me that's when we're matched with a birthmother. Which I totally didn't understand originally and which was fine with, at least initially. In my mind, we're going to finish our homestudy and wait months and months until we hear from the agency and I was being honest that I wasn't sure I was going to NOT do a cycle while I hear nothing. But if we're matched I of course wouldn't do anything. That I'm ok with. She said we should be profiled within 1 or 2 months. We'll see.
The more I think about it though, the more I realize it's just not as simple as that. What if I'm in the middle of a cycle when I get the call that we're matched? I'm not about to throw away a cycle or my money when nothing is definite. I wouldn't START a new one if we were matched, but IVF cycles are very long, and I think she doesn't realize it.
So nothing's simple, even in adoption (well especially in adoption, but you KWIM.) Still ignorance even there...
It's hard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)