Writing about a shower is probably not a good first day ICLW post so I should probably hold off. It was seriously one of the most amazing days of my life though. I will hold it in my heart forever.
Welcome to my little anonymous corner of the web if you are dropping by for ICLW for the first time! Hubby and I are expecting our girls in a few weeks via our fantabulous gestational carrier Gabby. For the last 5 years (yeah, ignore my little card blurb that said otherwise down below) we have been trying for babies. We've done umpteen TI cycles, Clomid cycles, IUIs, IVFs, and 1 FET. I've carried singletons and even twins once (that was the farthest I've gotten on my own). I've lost them all before 12 weeks, 6 losses. We were in the midst of the adoption process for almost 2 years when we decided to try with a gestational surrogate at the end of 2011 thanks to the generosity of my inlaws (who I bitch about more than I should, given their generosity for this financially) worked with an agency who introduced us to Gabby in January 2012. We immediately decided to work together, and I did my (hopefully) final IVF cycle in May 2012 and transferred embryos in June to Gabby. She became pregnant and did not lose my babies! (which pretty much confirms something is wrong with me, although we are totally unexplained) and we are now nearing the end of our journey together as we're expecting our girls the second week of February.
This is probably my last ICLW for awhile as (I hope!) I will have my hands full for the next few months. I can't believe we're here - it is just nuts. This is really happening - to me - something I never thought would. How can something that is occurring simultaneously feel unfathomable? It's just unreal.
The experience of "pregnancy" when you're not pregnant is not ideal, but I know it will make no difference in the end. I often wish I was the one experiencing the changes in my body but I am so grateful to have been on this journey.
Thanks for reading.
Showing posts with label ICLW. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ICLW. Show all posts
Monday, January 21, 2013
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Babymoon
Welcome ICLWers!!
After 4+ years of struggling with infertility and recurrent miscarriage, my husband L and I are finally expecting twin girls (!!!!) through a gestational carrier! Right now we are on our "babymoon" (really just our last trip together before our girls are (hopefully) born in February! You can take a look at our history on the timeline pages I have.
We (of course) made it safe to CO and now I just need to worry about the plane ride home. The meds definitely helped and luckily I have two left for the way back on Tuesday! So far the trip has been AWESOME and it helps that we're doing things we will never be able to do with kids for a VERY long time!
Yesterday we went to Saddleback Ranch, an 8000 acre working cattle ranch for a trail ride. It was so so cool! One of the owners took us on this 2 hour ride all over their ranch and the views were beautiful and we could gallop our horses and didn't need to ride in a straight line at all! Today my muscles are totally paying for it, but it was so worth it!
After the ride we took our aching bodies to these hot springs just outside Steamboat Springs. It's so amazing how the water bubbles so hot out of the ground and you can sit in it for as long as you want! They keep the place looking very natural looking and after nightfall you can go nude if you want (no, we did not want :) We went in and out until after dark because we wanted to see the stars in the dark. We weren't disappointed and saw a shooting star! I call that a good omen :)
I've actually "forgotten" all about baby stuff on this trip and that NEVER happens. Today I went, "Oh wow, it's 21 weeks!" That certainly hasn't happened in about...forever :)
I think this trip has been VERY good for us. So glad we went on it!
After 4+ years of struggling with infertility and recurrent miscarriage, my husband L and I are finally expecting twin girls (!!!!) through a gestational carrier! Right now we are on our "babymoon" (really just our last trip together before our girls are (hopefully) born in February! You can take a look at our history on the timeline pages I have.
We (of course) made it safe to CO and now I just need to worry about the plane ride home. The meds definitely helped and luckily I have two left for the way back on Tuesday! So far the trip has been AWESOME and it helps that we're doing things we will never be able to do with kids for a VERY long time!
Yesterday we went to Saddleback Ranch, an 8000 acre working cattle ranch for a trail ride. It was so so cool! One of the owners took us on this 2 hour ride all over their ranch and the views were beautiful and we could gallop our horses and didn't need to ride in a straight line at all! Today my muscles are totally paying for it, but it was so worth it!
 | ||||
| Look at that view! All their land! |
After the ride we took our aching bodies to these hot springs just outside Steamboat Springs. It's so amazing how the water bubbles so hot out of the ground and you can sit in it for as long as you want! They keep the place looking very natural looking and after nightfall you can go nude if you want (no, we did not want :) We went in and out until after dark because we wanted to see the stars in the dark. We weren't disappointed and saw a shooting star! I call that a good omen :)
 |
| A few of the hot springs pools |
I've actually "forgotten" all about baby stuff on this trip and that NEVER happens. Today I went, "Oh wow, it's 21 weeks!" That certainly hasn't happened in about...forever :)
I think this trip has been VERY good for us. So glad we went on it!
Friday, September 21, 2012
September 2012 ICLW
Welcome to my little corner of the infertility blogging world. I feel like I've been in almost every room in the Land of IF (copyright The Stirrup Queen), from the beginning of timed intercourse (TI) and "simple" meds of Clomid, Femara and Tamoxifen, to the IUI and then IVF rooms, the loss, loss, loss, multiple loss rooms, and even the pregnancy rooms, for a little bit. We also waited in the "adoption" room for over 9 months, home study ready since October 2011. I've tasted all.
Right now I'm in a room that's totally new for me, feeling my way around. L (my hubby) and I are expecting twin girls (OMG I can't believe I can actually say that for the first time EVER) in February 2013 through a gestational carrier. If you can't stand to read about pregnancy (even virtual pregnancy like I'm living right now), I fully understand you hitting your back button RIGHT NOW. I've so been there.
However, it isn't all fun and games for me. I'm dealing with a lot of emotional issues at the same time while expecting - the feeling like a "second class citizen" because I can't seem to hold onto a damn pregnancy and trying to feel like an expectant mom while someone else is walking around with my children. My bitterness - yup, bitterness, I own it - towards all sorts of people STILL. The years of our IF journey has left me with many wounds, open still.
So my blog is full of both excitement and paranoia, hopefulness and negativity, all at the same time. I'm both jealous and yet so grateful to be where I am. After so many losses, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to go wrong.
I write anonymously, and therefore, write all my feelings down, both bad and good. I think many people wouldn't admit to the things and feelings I write about, and trust me, I've gotten lambasted for it. But, fortunately or unfortunately, I don't write to educate, but to release my anxieties, and what you see is what you get, just without a name attached to it.
Thank you for reading :)
Right now I'm in a room that's totally new for me, feeling my way around. L (my hubby) and I are expecting twin girls (OMG I can't believe I can actually say that for the first time EVER) in February 2013 through a gestational carrier. If you can't stand to read about pregnancy (even virtual pregnancy like I'm living right now), I fully understand you hitting your back button RIGHT NOW. I've so been there.
However, it isn't all fun and games for me. I'm dealing with a lot of emotional issues at the same time while expecting - the feeling like a "second class citizen" because I can't seem to hold onto a damn pregnancy and trying to feel like an expectant mom while someone else is walking around with my children. My bitterness - yup, bitterness, I own it - towards all sorts of people STILL. The years of our IF journey has left me with many wounds, open still.
So my blog is full of both excitement and paranoia, hopefulness and negativity, all at the same time. I'm both jealous and yet so grateful to be where I am. After so many losses, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to go wrong.
I write anonymously, and therefore, write all my feelings down, both bad and good. I think many people wouldn't admit to the things and feelings I write about, and trust me, I've gotten lambasted for it. But, fortunately or unfortunately, I don't write to educate, but to release my anxieties, and what you see is what you get, just without a name attached to it.
Thank you for reading :)
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Iron Commenter
After participating in ICLW on and off for years, I'm finally an Iron Commenter!
After Tuesday, I wasn't sure I could make my way through all the other blogs, but I was able to finish. It was so great to read so many other blogs, to see where so many other people are in their IF journeys. Some have just started, some are veterans. Some have happy news to share, others have just been devastated. But we are all here, all participating, and now, having commented in every single one of those blogs, I feel like we're all a part of a bigger family.
I would love to be a platinum commenter - but we'll see how that goes. :)
I've been sick as a dog this weekend. Literally couldn't get out of bed yesterday, but am a bit better today. Just in time for work tomorrow, oh. yay. Luckily the Olympics have been there to give me a dozen hours of tv to watch!
Today makes 9 weeks.
After Tuesday, I wasn't sure I could make my way through all the other blogs, but I was able to finish. It was so great to read so many other blogs, to see where so many other people are in their IF journeys. Some have just started, some are veterans. Some have happy news to share, others have just been devastated. But we are all here, all participating, and now, having commented in every single one of those blogs, I feel like we're all a part of a bigger family.
I would love to be a platinum commenter - but we'll see how that goes. :)
I've been sick as a dog this weekend. Literally couldn't get out of bed yesterday, but am a bit better today. Just in time for work tomorrow, oh. yay. Luckily the Olympics have been there to give me a dozen hours of tv to watch!
Today makes 9 weeks.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
ICLW again
Here we are, another month of ICLW starting.
Welcome to my blog, which lately is an often-wrote, whiny, bitch-about-my-family-and-generally-act-like-a-small-child place where I come to pour out my feelings. I certainly can't tell anyone about them :)
Up until this past month, we've been following along two paths in the road to finally (we're on our 4th year now) become parents. We are homestudy approved for adoption and are working with a semi-local (it's at least in the state, though 5 hours away from us) agency, and we recently matched with a gestational carrier and did a cycle in May/June. At the end of June, we found out our gestational carrier (I often call her our surrogate, though she is carrying my husband and I's genetic material) was pregnant, and a couple of weeks ago, learned at the first ultrasound that there were three heartbeats! Next week is the second ultrasound and I am just praying there aren't zero.
We've had 5 losses previously, including twins, so we aren't taking anything for granted. Now that I'm not the one pregnant, I'm definitely writing more because I don't have much else to do (take vitamins, or meds, etc.) It's definitely a weird position to be in, but one I will GLADLY be in for 9 months if only it means we can have a baby at the end of it.
This means that if we have a successful u/s next week, we will be letting the adoption agency that we can no longer be profiled for any opportunities that come up. It's a scary thought, especially since anything still can happen with the gestational carrier pregnancy, but it's also what we need to do.
In the meantime, we're just sitting here, waiting, hoping and praying everything works out well for once, just once!
Welcome to my blog, which lately is an often-wrote, whiny, bitch-about-my-family-and-generally-act-like-a-small-child place where I come to pour out my feelings. I certainly can't tell anyone about them :)
Up until this past month, we've been following along two paths in the road to finally (we're on our 4th year now) become parents. We are homestudy approved for adoption and are working with a semi-local (it's at least in the state, though 5 hours away from us) agency, and we recently matched with a gestational carrier and did a cycle in May/June. At the end of June, we found out our gestational carrier (I often call her our surrogate, though she is carrying my husband and I's genetic material) was pregnant, and a couple of weeks ago, learned at the first ultrasound that there were three heartbeats! Next week is the second ultrasound and I am just praying there aren't zero.
We've had 5 losses previously, including twins, so we aren't taking anything for granted. Now that I'm not the one pregnant, I'm definitely writing more because I don't have much else to do (take vitamins, or meds, etc.) It's definitely a weird position to be in, but one I will GLADLY be in for 9 months if only it means we can have a baby at the end of it.
This means that if we have a successful u/s next week, we will be letting the adoption agency that we can no longer be profiled for any opportunities that come up. It's a scary thought, especially since anything still can happen with the gestational carrier pregnancy, but it's also what we need to do.
In the meantime, we're just sitting here, waiting, hoping and praying everything works out well for once, just once!
Monday, May 21, 2012
Another ICLW
Well, here we are - another ICLW is upon us!
Leonard (L - not his real name) and I have been married for almost 5 years (gulp!) and have been trying for almost 4. I've gotten pregnant 4 times, including once with twins, and miscarried each time. We started the adoption process last year and are currently in waiting limbo. At the same time I just started a surrogacy cycle with my gestational surrogate I have affectionately named Gabby on this blog. I started lupron on Saturday and stims won't start till next week. We are so hoping something comes through for us very soon!
For a more detailed look at our journey, you can check out the tabs at the top of my page.
For right now I'm just trying to be patient and not worry - which for me is nearly impossible. My latest stress is coming over whether we will get a call from the adoption agency while we're in the middle of this cycle. I don't want to have to turn them down - we haven't turned down one opportunity so far (there have been 5 I think) and don't want to miss my chance. For once I'm just hoping and praying we don't hear from the adoption agency until late June! (Never have I said THAT before!) But the worst that could happen is we say no to the agency, then our cycle fails and we have no adoption and no surrogacy happening. That would be my luck.
Gabby has been keeping in great touch - she continues to make me laugh so much. Her latest email is that she checked out the PIO she will be taken after transfer and thought it was hilarious that the oil is olive oil.
"It is actually olive oil, says right on it! I'll save any extra so we can
whip up some pancakes in a crunch!"
I need that positivity and humor in my life! :)
Leonard (L - not his real name) and I have been married for almost 5 years (gulp!) and have been trying for almost 4. I've gotten pregnant 4 times, including once with twins, and miscarried each time. We started the adoption process last year and are currently in waiting limbo. At the same time I just started a surrogacy cycle with my gestational surrogate I have affectionately named Gabby on this blog. I started lupron on Saturday and stims won't start till next week. We are so hoping something comes through for us very soon!
For a more detailed look at our journey, you can check out the tabs at the top of my page.
For right now I'm just trying to be patient and not worry - which for me is nearly impossible. My latest stress is coming over whether we will get a call from the adoption agency while we're in the middle of this cycle. I don't want to have to turn them down - we haven't turned down one opportunity so far (there have been 5 I think) and don't want to miss my chance. For once I'm just hoping and praying we don't hear from the adoption agency until late June! (Never have I said THAT before!) But the worst that could happen is we say no to the agency, then our cycle fails and we have no adoption and no surrogacy happening. That would be my luck.
Gabby has been keeping in great touch - she continues to make me laugh so much. Her latest email is that she checked out the PIO she will be taken after transfer and thought it was hilarious that the oil is olive oil.
"It is actually olive oil, says right on it! I'll save any extra so we can
whip up some pancakes in a crunch!"
I need that positivity and humor in my life! :)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
The Countdown is On!
Random question as I watch a commercial for the movie Dark Shadows: Does Tim Burton do any movie without Johnny Depp?
Got a call re: my surgical consult for the gallbladder. It's not scheduled until May 8th, proving to me it's not all that important. Yay! If it can be done, I think I'm going to schedule surgery for late May/early June right after retrieval so I can just be laid up the whole week.
Just in case, I emailed Holly to ask her if anything related to my gallbladder could affect egg quality in our upcoming cycle. She said nope but just to keep an eye on the pain and go to the doctor if there's any bad pain. I can do that!
Gabby went for her psych appt. at the Boston hospital on Monday and texted me afterwards to let me know it was done. They made her take one of those personality quizzes, which makes me giggle. I think I took one once (but can't remember what for) and I think it would be really easy to say all the right things on them. But I'm guessing since I didn't hear anything from the hospital she passed with flying colors!
Next we head to Boston on Thursday to have our joint (all 4 of us) social worker meeting and Gabby is having her hysteroscopy. I just emailed her to ask if they wanted to have dinner and she's up for it! This will be only the second time we've seen each other so I'm excited. As she wrote to me, "only one more day!" After Thursday we should be ready to start! Of course, she's going on vacation on Sunday for a week so they may make us wait till she gets back, but everything will be ready to go. I can't believe it's finally here!
Today's ICLW blogs I've commented on:
1) http://kecharakitten.blogspot.com
2) http://waitingformybaby2012.blogspot.com/
3) http://davidandelizabethadopt.blogspot.com/
4) http://www.stirrup-queens.com/
5) http://bickerstaffblog.blogspot.com/
6) http://lockedwombmystery.blogspot.com/
In case you're wondering why I keep listing them, it's because many of them don't seem to be showing my comments after I've attempted to click "send." I keep hoping some of these ladies will let me know if indeed they've received comments from me or if I have a broken account somewhere - so please do if you see this!!
Got a call re: my surgical consult for the gallbladder. It's not scheduled until May 8th, proving to me it's not all that important. Yay! If it can be done, I think I'm going to schedule surgery for late May/early June right after retrieval so I can just be laid up the whole week.
Just in case, I emailed Holly to ask her if anything related to my gallbladder could affect egg quality in our upcoming cycle. She said nope but just to keep an eye on the pain and go to the doctor if there's any bad pain. I can do that!
Gabby went for her psych appt. at the Boston hospital on Monday and texted me afterwards to let me know it was done. They made her take one of those personality quizzes, which makes me giggle. I think I took one once (but can't remember what for) and I think it would be really easy to say all the right things on them. But I'm guessing since I didn't hear anything from the hospital she passed with flying colors!
Next we head to Boston on Thursday to have our joint (all 4 of us) social worker meeting and Gabby is having her hysteroscopy. I just emailed her to ask if they wanted to have dinner and she's up for it! This will be only the second time we've seen each other so I'm excited. As she wrote to me, "only one more day!" After Thursday we should be ready to start! Of course, she's going on vacation on Sunday for a week so they may make us wait till she gets back, but everything will be ready to go. I can't believe it's finally here!
Today's ICLW blogs I've commented on:
1) http://kecharakitten.blogspot.com
2) http://waitingformybaby2012.blogspot.com/
3) http://davidandelizabethadopt.blogspot.com/
4) http://www.stirrup-queens.com/
5) http://bickerstaffblog.blogspot.com/
6) http://lockedwombmystery.blogspot.com/
In case you're wondering why I keep listing them, it's because many of them don't seem to be showing my comments after I've attempted to click "send." I keep hoping some of these ladies will let me know if indeed they've received comments from me or if I have a broken account somewhere - so please do if you see this!!
Monday, April 23, 2012
ICLW Day #3
I think more comments are getting through today, but still not every one. It's sort of discouraging!
Today's blogs I commented on...
1) http://dogmomchasingthestork.wordpress.com/
2) http://saving4ivfbaby.blogspot.com/
3) http://hapahopes.blogspot.com/
4) http://www.breathegently.com/
5) http://beingjamielynn.blogspot.com/
6) http://thetearinamyseye.blogspot.com
Today's blogs I commented on...
1) http://dogmomchasingthestork.wordpress.com/
2) http://saving4ivfbaby.blogspot.com/
3) http://hapahopes.blogspot.com/
4) http://www.breathegently.com/
5) http://beingjamielynn.blogspot.com/
6) http://thetearinamyseye.blogspot.com
Saturday, April 21, 2012
TEST
Blogspot just did some new update and now I can't seem to sign in. So this is a just a TEST post while I try to figure it out so I can participate in ICLW!
P.S. - I keep leaving comments and they keep disappearing. I'm really annoyed about this update. Are they just in a queue waiting for the blog owner to approve or are they disappearing? If you see 14 bazillion comments from me on your blog, that is because I didn't know if it was working or disappearing!
P.P.S. - I'm beginning to think they just need to be approved by the blog owner. OMG how embarrassing! I literally tried to repost a comment on one blog about 20 times. Just wait till she finds them! :) Blogs I've posted comments at today - my apologies if you have eleventy million from me!
1) http://babymakingmerrygoround.blogspot.com/
2) http://mrssneakers.blogspot.com/
3) http://journeytobabyg.blogspot.com/
4) http://jo-mojoworking.blogspot.com/ (definitely the one I hit "post" to a billion times)
5) http://lessonsfromaninfertilesocialworker.blogspot.com/
6) https://fromthewaitingroom.wordpress.com
P.S. - I keep leaving comments and they keep disappearing. I'm really annoyed about this update. Are they just in a queue waiting for the blog owner to approve or are they disappearing? If you see 14 bazillion comments from me on your blog, that is because I didn't know if it was working or disappearing!
P.P.S. - I'm beginning to think they just need to be approved by the blog owner. OMG how embarrassing! I literally tried to repost a comment on one blog about 20 times. Just wait till she finds them! :) Blogs I've posted comments at today - my apologies if you have eleventy million from me!
1) http://babymakingmerrygoround.blogspot.com/
2) http://mrssneakers.blogspot.com/
3) http://journeytobabyg.blogspot.com/
4) http://jo-mojoworking.blogspot.com/ (definitely the one I hit "post" to a billion times)
5) http://lessonsfromaninfertilesocialworker.blogspot.com/
6) https://fromthewaitingroom.wordpress.com
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Welcome ICLWers!
Ahh, another round of ICLW! Nice to start off the year with this. Welcome to my blog. If you'd like to learn more about how I got here, you can click on the About Me tab at the top of this page. It's long though, so for a short version, here goes:
Been married nearly 5 years, we're now in our 4th year of trying. We have unexplained infertility and recurrent miscarriage. 4 times I've been pregnant (twice on our own, twice with fertility treatments) and I've never made it out of the first trimester. My last pregnancy was with twins from our second IVF cycle. One passed at 7 weeks, the other at 11 weeks. It's been a tough, tough road.
We're now far into the adoption process: homestudy ready and right now in the middle of getting profiled. We're so hopeful something will happen with that this year, because it's been such a long road. We're also pursuing surrogacy, thanks to the generosity of my inlaws. Basically we want a baby/babies - any way it happens for us. Someone wants to drop one off on my doorstep? We'd be thrilled :)
Anyway, I'm not the greatest writer, this blog is more pretty much Word Vomit Thursday, every day I write. I write to release my feelings, so more often its been depression, sadness, and anger. Whatever comes into my mind I write, because getting it out feels better than keeping it in. Welcome!
Been married nearly 5 years, we're now in our 4th year of trying. We have unexplained infertility and recurrent miscarriage. 4 times I've been pregnant (twice on our own, twice with fertility treatments) and I've never made it out of the first trimester. My last pregnancy was with twins from our second IVF cycle. One passed at 7 weeks, the other at 11 weeks. It's been a tough, tough road.
We're now far into the adoption process: homestudy ready and right now in the middle of getting profiled. We're so hopeful something will happen with that this year, because it's been such a long road. We're also pursuing surrogacy, thanks to the generosity of my inlaws. Basically we want a baby/babies - any way it happens for us. Someone wants to drop one off on my doorstep? We'd be thrilled :)
Anyway, I'm not the greatest writer, this blog is more pretty much Word Vomit Thursday, every day I write. I write to release my feelings, so more often its been depression, sadness, and anger. Whatever comes into my mind I write, because getting it out feels better than keeping it in. Welcome!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Welcome ICLWers
Hi ICLWers and welcome to my blog. I have bullet points to my "story" down the side of my blog, but it's really long by this point so let me give you a summary here.
DH and I have been married since 2007 (we were high school sweethearts who dated a looonng time before getting married) and trying to have a child since 2008. In that time I've had 5 pregnancies (or really 4, but one was twins) and have miscarried all, the most recent being twins at 11 weeks in June. I've been tested for recurrent loss to no avail, and the D&C genetic testing showed chromosomally normal boys, so all doctors are stumped. As you can imagine, this has been very hard for us.
I am currently towards the end of a 2ww for my first FET. Today is 12dpo and I'm pretty sure it didn't work. I had two 2BB thawed embies transferred last week and today I got a BFN on a FRER. It just feels like I can't catch a break.
We also started the adoption process back in February, but it was on hold for a few months when we last got pregnant. However, since losing the last pregnancy, we kicked it into high gear and just got matched with a social worker to write our homestudy. Our first meeting will be next week, and it looks like if everything goes smoothly our profile will be ready to present by November 1st!
I am hopeful one way or another we will have a baby within the next year, but the length of time and heartbreak that has gone on has really made me a much sadder person. I don't think I will ever begin to reclaim myself until I have a child one way or another though, so we keep trying. Not trying means not getting to where I want to be.
Thanks for reading!
DH and I have been married since 2007 (we were high school sweethearts who dated a looonng time before getting married) and trying to have a child since 2008. In that time I've had 5 pregnancies (or really 4, but one was twins) and have miscarried all, the most recent being twins at 11 weeks in June. I've been tested for recurrent loss to no avail, and the D&C genetic testing showed chromosomally normal boys, so all doctors are stumped. As you can imagine, this has been very hard for us.
I am currently towards the end of a 2ww for my first FET. Today is 12dpo and I'm pretty sure it didn't work. I had two 2BB thawed embies transferred last week and today I got a BFN on a FRER. It just feels like I can't catch a break.
We also started the adoption process back in February, but it was on hold for a few months when we last got pregnant. However, since losing the last pregnancy, we kicked it into high gear and just got matched with a social worker to write our homestudy. Our first meeting will be next week, and it looks like if everything goes smoothly our profile will be ready to present by November 1st!
I am hopeful one way or another we will have a baby within the next year, but the length of time and heartbreak that has gone on has really made me a much sadder person. I don't think I will ever begin to reclaim myself until I have a child one way or another though, so we keep trying. Not trying means not getting to where I want to be.
Thanks for reading!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Welcome ICLWers!
For those who have newly found my blog - welcome! I am in the midst of my second IVF cycle after a chemical with my first IVF cycle last month. You can find my "story" in bits and pieces on the sidebar of this blog, but L (the hubby) and I are also in the beginning of our adoption journey. If this cycle doesn't work out, I am taking some time off from medical assistance in the TTC world - we will continue to try ourselves, but I need to focus on losing weight after gaining so much through this process.
I'm hoping to do much better this time around on ICLW. Last month my beta fell right in the middle of the commenting week, AND we lost one of our cats, leading to a very depressed C who didn't want to write to others at all. Being in the middle of stims will take that worry away, so that's good.
Looking forward to "meeting" some new-to-me bloggers as well!
Today was my second scan (day 7 of stims, although I've technically only had 6 days of stims, the seventh is tonight) and I don't have much news to report yet. I've been so worried the last few days over the big drop in dosage they set me on after telling me my E2 was too high, and I'm really hoping that my E2 more than doubles. Last time I didn't get above 1360, so I am praying I do this time. That means I need at least a 900 today (and I admit I'm kind of hoping for 1000). We'll see!
I'm hoping to do much better this time around on ICLW. Last month my beta fell right in the middle of the commenting week, AND we lost one of our cats, leading to a very depressed C who didn't want to write to others at all. Being in the middle of stims will take that worry away, so that's good.
Looking forward to "meeting" some new-to-me bloggers as well!
Today was my second scan (day 7 of stims, although I've technically only had 6 days of stims, the seventh is tonight) and I don't have much news to report yet. I've been so worried the last few days over the big drop in dosage they set me on after telling me my E2 was too high, and I'm really hoping that my E2 more than doubles. Last time I didn't get above 1360, so I am praying I do this time. That means I need at least a 900 today (and I admit I'm kind of hoping for 1000). We'll see!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
ICLW
This is the first ICLW I'm participating in, and I'm really enjoying it so far. For far too long I've felt so alone in my journey, as friend after friend gets married and starts having kids about 2 months after starting to try and I continue to also try and wait and nothing happens.
I hope it's not a misery loves company thing, because I don't want to be that kind of person, but it's awfully nice not feeling like the only person in the world this has happened to.
My story is pretty well laid out in the sidebar. Today is 8dp3dt in my first (and hopefully last?) IVF and I feel like shite and am hoping it's for a reason and not all in my head. 3 more days. I am more than willing to feel like shite for 9 months if only for this reason. Please.
I hope it's not a misery loves company thing, because I don't want to be that kind of person, but it's awfully nice not feeling like the only person in the world this has happened to.
My story is pretty well laid out in the sidebar. Today is 8dp3dt in my first (and hopefully last?) IVF and I feel like shite and am hoping it's for a reason and not all in my head. 3 more days. I am more than willing to feel like shite for 9 months if only for this reason. Please.
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