Welcome to my little corner of the infertility blogging world. I feel like I've been in almost every room in the Land of IF (copyright The Stirrup Queen), from the beginning of timed intercourse (TI) and "simple" meds of Clomid, Femara and Tamoxifen, to the IUI and then IVF rooms, the loss, loss, loss, multiple loss rooms, and even the pregnancy rooms, for a little bit. We also waited in the "adoption" room for over 9 months, home study ready since October 2011. I've tasted all.
Right now I'm in a room that's totally new for me, feeling my way around. L (my hubby) and I are expecting twin girls (OMG I can't believe I can actually say that for the first time EVER) in February 2013 through a gestational carrier. If you can't stand to read about pregnancy (even virtual pregnancy like I'm living right now), I fully understand you hitting your back button RIGHT NOW. I've so been there.
However, it isn't all fun and games for me. I'm dealing with a lot of emotional issues at the same time while expecting - the feeling like a "second class citizen" because I can't seem to hold onto a damn pregnancy and trying to feel like an expectant mom while someone else is walking around with my children. My bitterness - yup, bitterness, I own it - towards all sorts of people STILL. The years of our IF journey has left me with many wounds, open still.
So my blog is full of both excitement and paranoia, hopefulness and negativity, all at the same time. I'm both jealous and yet so grateful to be where I am. After so many losses, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to go wrong.
I write anonymously, and therefore, write all my feelings down, both bad and good. I think many people wouldn't admit to the things and feelings I write about, and trust me, I've gotten lambasted for it. But, fortunately or unfortunately, I don't write to educate, but to release my anxieties, and what you see is what you get, just without a name attached to it.
Thank you for reading :)