Transfer

I have a blog award that I am grateful for and need to post about but will do in a separate post later. I had transfer yesterday and it turns out that only 3 out of 11 embies made it to day 5 and one of those was actually a morula, so I don't even know if it'll make it to freeze. All that drama and all that pain (hyperstim) for almost nothing.

We ended up putting back 2 even though we had talked about putting back only 1 if we had many good ones to choose from. But in the end we only had a 3AA (which looked pretty darn good) and a 2BB which didn't look that good so we just did both.

I'm not having high hopes. I stayed home all day yesterday (different from my first two IVF cycles) and laid in bed because I'm still not feeling great and ended up throwing up later in the day. Man, I cannot get back to normal yet. Today I'm still a little bit better and my cotton mouth is to a more manageable status, though I'm still drinking a ton. I've barely eaten this week which would be a good thing except that I've drank my calories down - all "real" gatorade, Sprite, milkshakes, etc. Any COLD, super cold, liquid has been like gold to me.

So I've got my two embies in me, but I don't feel any connection. I always have before, treated my embies like their my babies already even before a positive pregnancy test. My stomach is still bothering me, I've done nothing all week (at work or at home) and I'm generally just blah. I don't want to have to do another IVF cycle, and it looks like we will if went end up going to the surrogacy route.

I'm not in the Christmas mode this year at all. We were going to go Christmas tree shopping last week until I was so sick I couldn't move and I have a baby shower to attend for my best work friend this Saturday and I kind want to just say f*ck it. I wish L and I could just wisk ourselves off to a caribbean location for christmas and new years and not be forced to think about any baby stuff.

Hyperstimulation?

I want to die. Keel over, kick the bucket, etc.

My E2 only got up to 2100 at its highest. I shouldn't have OHSS, right? So why is this so bad??

This weekend BLEW. I was in bed from 11am Friday when I got home till this morning. Seriously, I didn't even get up to take a shower. So gross. That's how horrible it was.

It's getting SLIGHTLY better every day, but not significantly, not in that way when you say to yourself, "Oh wow, i feel better today." Just in the "I don't want to put a gun to my stomach and pull the trigger, but this still hurts pretty damn bad."

It's my stomach. Not even my uterus, which would make sense, but higher up - like, right below my boobs down to my belly button. My uterus is a bit sore, sure but nothing like my stomach. It's like the worst stomachache ever x 1,000,000. I think I have asciites or whatever that's called. A lot of fluid in my stomach. I actually had it after my first, terrible heart surgery, so I remember the pain (it actually was not THIS bad, believe it or not).

I just caved and called my RE just to make sure. I don't see how it can be OHSS since I didn't have THAT high of E2, but maybe it has to do more with the number of follicles you have, not your E2 number? With 17 maybe that's why?

All I know is that I don't understand how people with actual high E2 manage this. This is effing miserable. I can't do anything. I also am so so thirsty- like cotton mouth thirsty. I did Google enough to keep downing coconut water and gatorade, but STILL. Miserable I tell you.

I have the lowest pain tolerance, I swear. You would think it would be better given all my surgeries and stuff, but nope. Ugh.