ICLW again

Here we are, another month of ICLW starting.

Welcome to my blog, which lately is an often-wrote, whiny, bitch-about-my-family-and-generally-act-like-a-small-child place where I come to pour out my feelings. I certainly can't tell anyone about them :)

Up until this past month, we've been following along two paths in the road to finally (we're on our 4th year now) become parents. We are homestudy approved for adoption and are working with a semi-local (it's at least in the state, though 5 hours away from us) agency, and we recently matched with a gestational carrier and did a cycle in May/June. At the end of June, we found out our gestational carrier (I often call her our surrogate, though she is carrying my husband and I's genetic material) was pregnant, and a couple of weeks ago, learned at the first ultrasound that there were three heartbeats! Next week is the second ultrasound and I am just praying there aren't zero.

We've had 5 losses previously, including twins, so we aren't taking anything for granted. Now that I'm not the one pregnant, I'm definitely writing more because I don't have much else to do (take vitamins, or meds, etc.) It's definitely a weird position to be in, but one I will GLADLY be in for 9 months if only it means we can have a baby at the end of it.

This means that if we have a successful u/s next week, we will be letting the adoption agency that we can no longer be profiled for any opportunities that come up. It's a scary thought, especially since anything still can happen with the gestational carrier pregnancy, but it's also what we need to do.

In the meantime, we're just sitting here, waiting, hoping and praying everything works out well for once, just once!