Of course, by my writing that last post, I got an email from her right afterwards. And you know what, I'm even MORE annoyed than I was before I got it. Because she basically ignored everything I wrote to her. I even forwarded it to L to ask what he thought, and he replied, "Did she even get your email?" Which made me double check - maybe I had messed up the email address or something!
But no, it went to her, and she just moved on and sent me a nice, bright, upbeat email about how her boobs are finally growing. Stuff that in normal times (aka before Tuesday) I would have laughed about, but am now just hurt.
I don't know what I was expecting - I didn't think anything was going to change, but an acknowledgment would have been nice. Something along the lines of "Got your email. I'm so sorry this has to be so hard, I'm upset about it too. But on a positive note...(talk about boobs THEN).
I mean, she did write this one sentence halfway through her email (so it got kind of lost).
I don't mean to ignore the very difficult decision of reduction that might have to be made (I'm still hoping for a natural one!) but I also can't ignore (since I have all the symptoms!) the fact that you guys are going to have babies! I was always worried about what if I never got pregnant or what if I miscarried, etc... I know we still have a month to go until we're truly in the "safe zone" but it's still so exciting on my part to think that you're going to fill out that nursery! I hope the good outweighs the bad!
L think that she just can't go negative (like I can so easily, and most long term IFers and RPLers) and that in order to deal she just needs to move on, but once again, I feel like my feelings have been minimized.
I guess too, is that I need to be positive. I still have 2 babies (hopefully) that will need me. I need to be there for them. *I* need to move on, because *I* don't have a choice in the matter. And thinking and ruminating about it constantly is not going to help me move on. But because I feel so bad, so guilty about it, I think I feel like I need to punish myself, so that in some way makes up (to God? for karmic purposes? I really have no idea) for what is going to happen.