Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Well Then...

Endoscopy went fine...they took some biopsies to make sure but didn't see any ulcers..so...ugh, looks like gallbladder surgery is in my future.

I am still feeling out of it from the anesthesia. I don't know why but I think it always takes me a long time to feel normal again. Hopefully that means I'll actually sleep tonight, and I've been basically sleeping all afternoon.

Anyway, the stuff you really care about :)

As always, with this blog you get the truth, no sweetening it up to make it more palatable. Warts and all.

I wasn't supposed to be on this call at all. I didn't want to be, and so I was glad I had the excuse of something at work at 9am keeping me from it. Then Gabby calls me at 8:45am because I guess they took her in early. Skyping actually was not allowed, so we conferenced in L and I couldn't get out of it. I must sound like the meanest "mom" ever because I did NOT want to be on it, it was so awkward. I know she couldn't see me and my reaction but I didn't know what kind of verbal reaction she was expecting from me and was afraid she'd get annoyed.

We have three sacs and three perfect babies, all with great HBs. 115, 119 and 122 beats. Due date is 3/3/13. That date is so perfect. We got three embryos out of this cycle, put all three back on June 13th, and my lucky number is 13, I kid you not. Of course with twins or triplets I'm sure it will be well before that day. (If all stick the whole time of course).

I am overjoyed with happiness but at the same time so sad. It looks like no matter what I will only end up with twins at the most. Either one will go on its own (or heck maybe more, who knows) or we will have to do SR per our contract...either way I guess we will not be ending up with three. At first I thought Gabby might be leaning towards being ok with 3 based on things she was saying but then she kept talking about twins later...so I don't know. I'm pissed at my RE for taking this chance and her not considering how I would feel and pissed at myself for not thinking about how bad I would feel about it too. To be completely perfectly honest, I did not think it would happen in a million years.

Don't get me wrong, three would be absolutely insane but I would take all three in instant.  I'm already trying to figure out how the HELL we would fit three cribs in our one and only second bedroom. It would be hilarious until we moved. We've been trying to move but there's too many homes in our development on the market so we took our house back off, especially with trying to save for adoption too.

But I guess there's no happiness without some pain. I don't at all want to *wish* for one to go on its own (that will break my heart too) but it seems that is what I must wish for in the most humane, loving way.

L was on the nurse call after the u/s (I couldn't participate because of crap at work) and the nurse said they weren't even discussing SR yet because "these things have a way of working themselves out."

So we will see. Apparently my doomsday radar is severely off, at least at this point. I am so ecstatic that we have them. Gabby texted me a pic of the ultrasound and all three. I love them already.


  1. Wow... I don't know what to say except that I'm so happy they stuck! I can't imagine how you must feel. Everything will work out how it's supposed to be... maybe Gabby will change her mind after all!

    Good luck with the gallbladder stuff... I'm hoping that's all that's going on!

  2. I really, REALLY hope she changes her mind and is ok with "housing" all three for you! Tricky that it's kind of both good AND bad news. Thanks for keeping us posted!

  3. This is a really, really tough choice to make. I would not even say the things I'm about to say, if you were not forced to deal with the possibility of SR. I'm sure you are aware of some or all of this, but from a pragmatic and scientific standpoint:

    --having 3 in there potentially endangers all their lives. You could lose them all, you never, ever can tell how the coin will flip.

    --If all three of them made it out fine(At around 30 weeks), they would still be a much higher risk for having more health issues, throughout their lives, than any singletons or twins. If you do have to go through this, then know that through doing this, the chances that the children born will lead healthier lives increases.

    As a species, humans are designed only to carry one at a time. Twins, if they go close to term with no complications,don't upset the cart much, but the more that number goes up, the worse the potential scenario.

    This is a completely awful thing to consider, I'm so sorry you are in this position, with no power in making the decision. It was irresponsible IMO, of your RE, to transfer 3 embryos into a women with no issues with implantation/getting pregnant, only to be discussing selective reduction a few weeks later. What did he think was going to happen??

  4. Oh wow, congratulations!!! I hope things get figured out without too much difficulty.

  5. I know that you didn't expect all three to stick, given your history. I'm sorry for the situation you're faced with, and the possibility of SR. I understand why you would hope that nature will take its course, rather than take SR. I really wish Gabby will change her mind, or that something changes (although I really don't want you to lose any of them!). Keeping you all in my thoughts, wishing you strength to get through everything.

  6. Unfortunately, we can't predict the future and can only make a decision based on what we know at the time. It's great that all 3 decided to hang around, but am so sorry of the decisions you'll all have to be faced with. I understand what you mean about hoping nature makes the decision for you. Don't feel guilty for feeling that way, it's only natural to think that way. There's a downside with whichever way this could go, and for that I'm sorry. Continued positive thoughts for the best possible outcome.

  7. Oh goodness I wish I knew what to say. I can't imagine how bitter sweet this must be for you. It is awesome that the three little ones have stuck but I am sorry you are in such a difficult position. Thinking of you lots x

  8. Oh Ducky - I'm so happy and sad for you all at the same time. I so wish there were easier answers for something with a million complex layers. Thinking of you and sending much peace and love your and L's way....

  9. Hello, I am new to your blog. I am just starting this surrogacy journey. I have read about all you have been through and excited to read this post. I am glad to hear that all 3 took, but sad to hear that you have to do SR. I am following your blog now and can't wait to hear more about this pregnancy.