Sunday, July 1, 2012


I'm having a hard time giving up control.

Today is 5 weeks. Gabby and family left for a weeklong vacation today, so I likely won't hear from her. On Friday she sent me some pictures from her son's birthday party - they got a blow up slip and slide and she told me she couldn't wait to go on it.


Should she be going on a slip n slide, even 4w5d pregnant?

I didn't say anything, though I wanted to. She's given birth to 3 healthy, wonderful kids. She knows what to do and not to do. For all I know, she was just sitting in the pool at the end to cool off.

But it's hard.

Last night I had my first anxiety dream. I don't even remember it all now, but it involved living in a house with people who I knew in my dream but I don't know in real life. And I was waiting and waiting, and then found out (along with two other people, men for some reason) that our babies had already been born 4 months earlier and died because no one had taken care of them (whoever had given birth to them was not in my dream at all, nor was it a question of mine.) Instead I was just crying, bawling in my dream, the pain of the last 4 years built up in my subconscious spilling out in my dream.

Unlike the movies, I guess, I didn't wake up crying, but even right now I can feel the same pain I felt in my dream internally. And in my dream I just kept saying, "well, those other people can try again, but this is it for me. I can't. My chance is over."

And I woke up to an email from Gabby in which she said "I'm still waiting anxiously for my breast tenderness and nausea."

I remember how my boobs hurt with my twins. I can't remember when they started hurting but I feel like it was very early. Like 5 weeks early. So it scares me that she feels nothing. Especially if it is twins. Then again, it may not be for a few more days yet. And I KNOW I didn't have any nausea until almost 8 weeks and then it hit with a vengeance.

Whatever, Ducky. Your babies have their best chance in Gabby's uterus. There's nothing you can do either way. And it's interesting how at exactly 5 weeks last time I was having these same exact feelings.

I've calculated when I will be able to breathe again. That will happen Tuesday, August 28th, 5pm - when Gabby officially hits 13 weeks.  Please let us not only get that far, but get the whole way this time.


  1. (*hugs*) I can understand why you would be anxious.

    Here's to hoping everything goes smoothly and all those fears are unfounded. Hang in there!

  2. Try not to worry about all the symptoms. I had twins and really never had breast tenderness, but had terrible nausea the entire time. It's different for every woman. Now for the slip 'n slide...WTF?! I sure hope she isn't using that! Maybe she meant after the babies are born she can't wait. These are your babies though, so I think you have the right to approach her with any concerns you may have. She will hopefully be able to clear it up and you won't have to wonder.