Last ICLW

Writing about a shower is probably not a good first day ICLW post so I should probably hold off. It was seriously one of the most amazing days of my life though. I will hold it in my heart forever.

Welcome to my little anonymous corner of the web if you are dropping by for ICLW for the first time! Hubby and I are expecting our girls in a few weeks via our fantabulous gestational carrier Gabby. For the last 5 years (yeah, ignore my little card blurb that said otherwise down below) we have been trying for babies. We've done umpteen TI cycles, Clomid cycles, IUIs, IVFs, and 1 FET. I've carried singletons and even twins once (that was the farthest I've gotten on my own). I've lost them all before 12 weeks, 6 losses. We were in the midst of the adoption process for almost 2 years when we decided to try with a gestational surrogate at the end of 2011 thanks to the generosity of my inlaws (who I bitch about more than I should, given their generosity for this financially) worked with an agency who introduced us to Gabby in January 2012. We immediately decided to work together, and I did my (hopefully) final IVF cycle in May 2012 and transferred embryos in June to Gabby. She became pregnant and did not lose my babies! (which pretty much confirms something is wrong with me, although we are totally unexplained) and we are now nearing the end of our journey together as we're expecting our girls the second week of February.

This is probably my last ICLW for awhile as (I hope!) I will have my hands full for the next few months. I can't believe we're here - it is just nuts. This is really happening - to me - something I never thought would. How can something that is occurring simultaneously feel unfathomable? It's just unreal.

The experience of "pregnancy" when you're not pregnant is not ideal, but I know it will make no difference in the end. I often wish I was the one experiencing the changes in my body but I am so grateful to have been on this journey.

Thanks for reading.