On This Mother's Day

One of the best things I've ever read on infertility and Mother's Day. From http://inconceivablebook.com/blog/ivf/dear-infertile-friend-my-mothers-day-gift-for-you/

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Dear Infertile Friend,

I wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you this Mother’s Day. Of course, I think of you every day, but on this day, which I know is particularly difficult for you, I want you to know that you’re in my heart.  I imagine,  at times, it may seem that I’m oblivious to your struggles.   As if somehow I’ve forgotten what it was like to stand in your shoes.  I assure you, I haven’t.  In fact, I’ll never, ever forget what it was like to walk the very lonely and scary path of infertility.  I acutely remember when Mother’s Day was a reminder of everything I wasn’t, instead of a celebration of everything I ever wanted to be.

In honor of Mother’s Day I want to give you a gift.  A gift I hope you’ll treasure.   It’s not a magic bullet.  I don’t have one of those.  Instead, it’s a promise—actually a few promises.  Promises that I hope will sustain you through your journey.

I promise not to give you unsolicited advice about conceiving.  I know you are relaxing.  That stress isn’t the problem and a vacation isn’t the answer.  I’m also very aware that how it finally worked for me (or my cousin or my neighbor or my grandma’s friend’s great-niece) probably isn’t the cure for you.  I’ll never assume I have the answer to your prayers…I promise.

I promise not to complain about my kids in front of you.  We all know that raising children is challenging.  I’m also aware you’d give your left arm to be knee deep in messy diapers and snotty noses.  There’ll be no child-related venting to you…I promise.

I promise to include you in our family related activities and understand when you decline.  I know you love my family.  I also understand being around little ones can be hard for you right now.  I’ll be sad that you’re not there, so I’ll continue to pray fervently for your miracle…I promise.

Most importantly, I promise to be here when you need me.  I’ll listen empathetically and squeeze your hand for encouragement.  Lean on me when you need to—my shoulders will hold you up and my love for you will catch your tears.  I’ll walk through this with you, admiring your bravery every step of the way…I promise.  

Please accept this Mother’s Day gift.  It’s a reminder that even though at times I may say or do the wrong thing, I know, in the depth of my soul, that you would make a terrific mother.  I can’t wait for the day when we can celebrate this occasion differently.  Until then, please remember you are not alone, my friend.  Whatever—whenever—just say the word.  I WILL be your biggest cheerleader…I promise.

Full Circle

I just took a look back at last year's posts around this time. I was just starting my lupron for the cycle that resulted in my two little beauties. I was completely anti-Mother's Day and so bitter I spent the day in bed.

The year before that I was pregnant with twins. I miscarried at the end of May.

The year before that I'd just had an M/C in April and was in a Clomid cycle.

The year before that (pre-blog) was a few months after my first ever M/C.

We just received a check back from the surrogacy agency for the amount of money left in the IOLTA fund. Gabby is fully compensated and all bills paid. We are DONE with surrogacy.

And in its wake, we have these girls, and I am a mom.

Full circle. In one year.

I know in this respect we've been extremely lucky. Lucky that it worked the first time, that my eggs were good enough that even though we only got 3 out of that last IVF cycle, it all was successful in the end.

It's amazing to think this journey is over.

The girls are almost 15 weeks now (really 14.5) and each week is getting easier. They are currently on their backs in the same crib staring at the mobile. (That is a feat in itself, they hate being on their backs in the crib unless it's bedtime. :)  I realize I treat them more like siblings that are the same age than "twins" - I don't know if I've ever put them in the same outfit even. My mom, who apparently always wanted twins so much she tried to dress me and my 8 year younger sister the same when I was 11(!!!) does not understand this and tries to buy everything the same, but to me they are so different. If they were identical that might make it easier to do so.

This week is the first week I thought I might be able to go to work. I really don't know how women do it at 6 weeks! I am glad I still have another 2 months to go - maybe I can enjoy the spring/early summer!!

I'll admit it, after years of hating Mother's Day, this year I am very excited for it. It feels like a victory lap.

But this is what I'll be posting on FB on Mother's Day.

http://messymiddle.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/

International Bereaved Mother's Day

The first Sunday of every May is International Bereaved Mother's Day, for all the women of this world who hold some, if not all, of their children in their hearts and those who yearn to even just conceive a child. Sending out my love to all of you who this applies to. I know I have dreaded the coming Mother's Day for years.