Monday, April 26, 2010

No, I Can't Wait One More Month

The nurse called and told me I could go get bloodwork and do Clomid starting tomorrow (days 6-10 instead of days 5-9) but that the doctor wanted me to know there was a higher chance of M/C.  Then she said that if I didn’t take Clomid this month there is still a sort of “rebound effect” from it – so that my cycle would be more normalized anyway.

I told her I’d call her back because I was walking with one of my coworkers back from lunch, but now I don’t know what she meant.  Take a cycle off from trying all together?  Or just a cycle off from Clomid?  The latter I’m willing to do but not the former.  Besides, it’s been more than a year since our first miscarriage – obviously waiting that long didn’t help this time for it.  And I can’t wait any longer.  Seriously, another month without trying will just put me farther into depression.

So of course, when I go to call her back, I have to wait half an hour because they’re at lunch.  Finally at 1:30pm I call and they’re back in the office, but I get her VM.  Ugh…so still waiting for a call back.  I really don’t want to wait a whole ‘nother cycle.  I can’t do it.

I’m 31. I’m going to be 32 in October.  Which means I’ll be halfway to 33 by the time I give birth if I get pregnant in the next few months.

I never thought I would be this old and not be a mom by now.  I’ve been waiting and trying for so long.  This is killing me.

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