Back from FL and back to the real world. On vacation it's so nice (besides the obvious!) We only hang out with each other, no awkward discussions with anyone about babies, really not even having to think about them in the slightest. i wish I could stay in that mode forever.
We're about to send in our signed contracts for the surrogacy agency. I'm terrified. It's SO much money, and even though we're getting helped out, part of me worries that my ILs don't have the money either and are just being nice. I know they are well off, but I don't know the details of their finances, obviously. What if we do this and then it doesn't work?
Any amount of money we put down is nonrefundable, whether the surrogate gets pregnant or not. In order to even TALK to the surrogate we've chosen, we have to put down $10,000. Holy shit.
I know this place is good and is recommended, but still, it's so scary. What if I *boom* get pregnant myself and for once don't miscarry? I know adoption wouldn't really change anything, but what if I'm in the middle of a cycle (to get the eggs to put in the surrogate) and we get a call to go pick up a baby? What if she doesn't get pregnant and all this money is down the drain? What if what if?
All I know is that I want a child so badly. Going into my 4th year of trying now, and I feel like I've waited long enough. I could continue to see if anything works on my own, but what if it doesn't? What if we're waiting 5 years, 6 years?
But I'm still so worried this will be just a HUGE waste of money, money that I couldn't even comprehend if it were truly mine.