It looks like Gabby will be redoing the 1 hour test on Friday. Thank goodness. I'm not sure if M at the surrogacy agency ever talked to her or not, but she (Gabby) emailed me last night. I feel bad that I basically nagged at her all day yesterday, but then I am annoyed that I had to nag at her too. I totally understand that she's probably cranky these days but I am probably not the person to complain about this stuff to...her husband is.
While I was drifting off to sleep last night, (that weird place between consciousness and unconciousness where sometimes things become clear to me) I realized that I don't think she's going to stay in touch with me after this is over. We always said to each other (before we started the cycle), if its feels right and natural, we'll be friends but if not, so be it. But despite how nice she is, and how much I wish we would click more, I don't think we do. That makes me sad. I want everyone to like me (despite how bitchy and whiny I can be on here).
Awww.... it's SO hard! I can't imagine how tricky that relationship must be and I think it is SO hard! And I'm sure she likes you. She just doesn't understand infertility and so she may get cranky about thing (even though in my opinion she completely shouldn't be cranky about them!)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, we all like you. ANd I don't think your bitchy OR whiny on here. :)
I'm so glad she's going to go get it redone. I'm sorry that the relationship is so tricky, and it has to be so hard to give up control like this. I think she tells you stuff to try and keep you included on the process, which comes from a great place, but comes off hurtful sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI know you want to be friends, and ideally you would be, but she seems like she's in a different place when it comes to all this. I hope that you are able to find common ground and stay in touch, but I know that these things are complicated too.
I think you did good standing up about the test. It's really not a huge deal, and she needs to just get it done.
And I don't think you're whiny either!
I won't even pretend to have any idea of the emotions surrounding live adoption or gestational surrogacy or embryo adoption. So my thoughts that perhaps being a GC is different as far as the bonding or potential bonding goes. The babies are not a part of her at all. I would hope that her care and concern with them ceases (for the most part; I'm certainly not suggesting she's heartless) once they are born. Considering your struggles to get to where you are at, I would think that, just like having her at your baby shower would have been awkward, her continued involvement in their lives would be similarly awkward. Always having to fall back into the "Gabby is such a saint" mode whenever she comes around dredging up all your feelings of missing out on carrying your girls in your womb or having to be ever so thankful to her all the time? Maybe it would be better to cut the ties? You can certainly send her photos from time to time and keep her updated throughout their lives. Kinda like a semi-open adoption??
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'm in no position to even begin to comprehend the emotions... Just offering my support of YOU.