Monday, June 21, 2010

New Week

Today I’m either 9 or 10dpo.  I’m not sure which, but again, to be safe, treating it like 9dpo.  Once again, I’m crabby.

I made all future temping and stuff in FF private.  I wish it was like FB and I could decide who could see my temps and who not, but I’m kind of tired of some people looking and emailing me asking how things are, when the only thing I want to say to them is, “Shitty, ok?”

I got the “dreaded” letter from my RE nurse, Ali, in the mail last week.  The letter that says, “I will be out for 12 weeks starting in mid-to-late July but in the meantime you will be in the capable hands of nurse Cayce.”  Yes, my pregnant RE nurse is about ready to give birth.  One more person that’s not me.
And I had a terrible conversation with my sister yesterday.  She and I are not that close but have been starting to get closer, mostly as a result of her maturing a bit. She’s lost about 50lbs in the last year by doing something along the lines of Clean Eating, but as a result has become a bit cultish about it.  She’s 23, knows nothing about babies or pregnancy, but surpised me because she does know what PCOS is.  She dared say to me that she wondered if I was having so much trouble conceiving because of the amount of sugar I eat. Keep in mind, she doesn’t actually know how much sugar I eat, so that was annoying in myself.  And by sugar, she means, fruit and milk, and bread, and yes, I said she was a little cultish, right?   I literally told her “I will fucking kick your ass” if you say that again to me, but the emotional damage for me was already done.

Why I should care when she doesn’t have a clue about anything, I don’t know.  But it still made me want to cry. It’s along the lines of my BFF who hasn’t yet begun TTC but will in August/September telling me, “If you would just relax, you’d get pregnant.”  FUCK YOU.  Even though I love both of you, FUCK YOU.  And I may be a horrible person, but part of me wants it to take just a little while for my BFF to get pregnant just so she can know that it doesn’t matter how little you stress, that has nothing to do with it.

So, I’m just waiting to test…and not feeling very positive.  Damn it.  I would like to be uplifting just once.

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