Sunday, May 22, 2011

How can I still be so bitter?

On FB tonight, a friend of mine just posted that her daughter was born. 12 1/2 weeks early. A friend that posted no updates on FB ever (something that I appreciate so much because there's nothing I hate more than hearing about babies on FB), I didn't even know she was pregnant (lol, obviously, not that close friends). And still, I am so insanely jealous right now it's ridiculous. The poor things, both mom and baby. At 12.5 weeks, that must be not even 28 weeks along.

My baby, should I ever have him/her feels so far away right now. And I'm pregnant. I am still so painfully aware and afraid that I will lose this baby too and have nothing - again.

It's not even like my friend went through a wonderful pregnancy that was perfect. The baby is doing fine right now, but even so...why am I so jealous? Will that ever go away?

Nights like these I hate myself. And yet I'm still so jealous.


  1. Hi! Here from ICLW and I can so relate to this post. No matter how hard I try, I turn into a giant green monster at times. I think (hope) it's normal. Still, it does make me feel bad about myself. Stupid IF.

  2. Don't hate yourself..pefectly normal to feel like this (well I think so anyway). Actually I experienced something similar only the other week. We went to a friends house for a BBQ and I was the only female there that doesn't have a child or is about to pop. All I could think was how unfair it was...despite the fact that I had found out only days earlier that I was pregnant again! Like you, I suppose I am just so paranoid that despite being pregnant again I won't get to bring a baby home to love and cherish.

    I don't know if these feelings will ever go away but I do hope they fade and as we progress with our pregnancies we won't be so envious of those who already have children. xx

  3. I think these feelings are pretty normal after infertility. Just take it one day at a time and know that your baby is on their way=)