Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Control is a 4 Letter Word

I'm a Type A, control freak. Yup, one of those. I admit it. Probably the only reason my marriage is as strong as it is is because I married a Type B, "whatever happens happens" kind of guy. (Of course, that can sometimes really be frustrating for a Type A like me!)

We're over 25 weeks now and things are supposedly great. Gabby had her GD test on Thursday. I didn't hear back about the results until yesterday when I finally asked her. She told me she failed by 16 points and it was probably because she ate a PB&J sandwich at the same time she drank that stuff. But she doesn't want to take the three hour because, and I quote:

"They are CRAZY! There is absolutely NO way I can fast for 3 hours, that can't possibly be the routine for women pregnant with twins who are as hungry as I am!"

She also told me how if she had to do the 3 hour it would take a few weeks for her to get to the lab to take it so she was going to ask if she could redo the 1 hour without eating this time.

My initial thought was "take a few weeks to get to the lab?" I mean, I really love my carrier, but if you need to take the 3 hour, you don't get to take a few weeks. No offense, but she signed up to do this. I don't want to wait if this needs to be done. I don't want anything happening to my babies. But then again, I know nothing about GD and the risks.

I did talk about this with some of my friends (all of whom have been pregnant at least once, some multiple times, but admittedly none with multiples) who were basically like, "Tough, suck it up, it's only once." about it.

So I tried to email her back saying I was worried and to see if she could take the 1 hour again ASAP and felt blown off by her again.

"Don't worry, I am very careful about my sugars and know all the risks! I've been checking my blood sugars to make sure they're normal [she's an NP who can do that at work] and also have dialed down the sugar/starch in my diet a little, just to be safe! I really feel confident that the test was not accurate. If I didn't get low blood sugars as much as I do then I would be a little more worried. But with diabetes it's an insulin intollerance and you rarely get low blood sugars [as she says she has gotten.] I have no not hear back from them but I have also found different levels. At [another hospital nearby] if the 1 hour is under 180 they consider than normal so I'm not sure if [our hospital] just uses different levels or what. But I will keep on track of it, don't worry we haven't made it this far to risk anything now!!! :)

Ugh...it is so tough not having control!  I'm sure I would have had GD, what with my weight and love of sugar, but I would have been back so fast to get anything taken care of, and it's annoying me that she just won't go get it done. Just do it - when you pass with flying colors you can just chalk it up to one more thing you've had to do with this pregnancy that you never had to do with your own.

I get it that she's just cranky and exhausted and hormonal and BUSY (she is STILL going to the gym - that is crazy to me) and it's just one more thing to do on her list but to me this is important. For the girl who was so worried about her health and carrying three babies that she made me do S/R she doesn't seem to be as concerned about this.

So I just went and tattled because I didn't know what else to do. I thought about calling the doctor's office but no one except the doctor really knows me there and I don't know if they would discuss her with me since they probably don't understand our arrangement. So I called up my surrogacy agency instead because I didn't know where else to go. And it's rough because our person ("advocate") is a personal FRIEND of hers, but she has been super professional with us. I told her what I was going on and she said she'd talk to her (and said she wouldn't say that we spoke, which I hope is the case). I told her (our agency person, M) that I wasn't trying to be a bitch and maybe I'm just paranoid I just don't want anything to go wrong.

So at least I've made it known to them now. I just hope Gabby doesn't hate me for it if she finds out. But I didn't know what else to do. M has seen Gabby recently at someone's birthday party and said she doesn't look gestational diabetic at all (not sure what one looks like), but I also had a friend who took the one hour even though her doctor said, "no worries, you'll pass with flying colors" and then failed it AND the 3 hour, even though she looked totally fine. So who knows? And why not be safe?

It is so hard not having control. Harder than not being pregnant (which is plenty hard by itself, trust me).

ETA: Gabby told me in the email I quoted above that she would get in touch with the doctor's office today and email me when she did. Lo and behold haven't heard anything back so I emailed her back an hour ago (ostensibly to "remind" her if she'd forgotten). Nothing back yet.

And I also wanted to clarify about the "harder than not being pregnant." I didn't mean harder than not being pregnant in general. I meant harder than not being the one who is carrying the babies, as you all know how I've struggled with that. I reread it and it didn't sound right to me.

18 comments:

  1. I would have absolutely done the same thing. Gabby is a great girl and all but omg if you fail the one hour you need to take the three hour. Non-negotiable! My coworker is pregnant with twins and she got GD so I would err on the side of caution.

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  2. GD is more common with twins but not a given. That being said however, WHAT WAS SHE THINKING HAVING A PB/J??!! I've heard of people having birthday cake prior to it, as well. Duh, not feeling sorry when you fail and have to be tortured with the three-hour test!! Perhaps re-taking the one-hour test would be appropriate and a decent compromise considering she ate a very sugar-laden sandwich right before the test. If she fails again, then the three-hour would be a definite (and to be completed ASAP).

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    1. One of my friends I was talking to was even more put off by the fact that she was eating PB&J *WHILE* drinking that stuff. Ick!

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  3. This might be a case where you would want to focus your Type A-ness on researching GD and the tests. I'm sure it would make you feel better. It sounds like she's got a good handle on things. That being said, she should be clear with you about her plan to re-take the one hour so that she can pass and ease your mind. Also, going to the gym is keeping her healthy and fit for your babies. But I totally get what you are saying about the SR thing and now the seemingly cavalier attitude with the PB/J and the tests. I would have made one more attempt at communicating with her directly instead of going to the agency though. Like, "I'd feel a lot more relaxed if you did take the one hour again, and soon! Do you have it scheduled?"

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    1. It's funny, I am torn between googling the heck out of everything (I basically call upon Dr. Google all the time) and afraid I'm going to send myself over the edge when I find out the answer.

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  4. I feel bad for her because i've heard it's crappy (the test i mean) but you did sign up for this and even if they let you redo the one hr you need to get it done asap.

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  5. She needs to suck it up and re-do the test. What was she thinking having the pb&j with it anyway? I've taken a 3 hr GTT while not-pregnant and the 1 hours while pregnant... it's not really that different. You suck it up, and you get it done. Is it pleasant? No. But GD isn't something to mess around with either.

    Sorry she's being a bit flippant about it. Sure she is keeping an eye on things (and that's great!) but it's not a big deal to get the test done and over with. If it was something that would only affect her, then eh... but this would also affect your babies. I think you made the right decision contacting her and your agency. I hope she gets the test redone soon.

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  6. Ok, so it's not like I've ever gotten to the point where I have to take one of those tests, and I've heard the stuff you drink is wretched and all, but come ON. If you don't want to screw up the test, don't eat something that you know will set it off. And if you do it anyway and DO fail, then you get over yourself and take the three hour test! I hope the advocate is able to talk some sense into her. I don't get the resistance. If it were me, I would be embarrassed that I failed, especially if I really thought it was nothing, and would be tripping over myself to get to the next test.

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    1. Me either EB! I'm sure I would hate it too, but then I would totally go overboard trying to do it correctly so I didn't have to redo it!

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  7. Who eats a pb nd j during their test in the first place? I mean seriously!

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  8. I'd be angry at her as well. She should've known better than to eat that pb&j. I think I'd flip out at her, these are your babies and you are paying her to take good care of them.

    Question for you. I know when you went into this you didn't think all 3 embryos would take, but were you at all concerned that one or more of the embryos could split and still end up with 3 or more babies? I guess I am asking because I really want to be able to implant 2 embryos into our carrier if our RE will allow us to, but I am scared of the chance of them taking and then splitting. I would like twins but I know the risks go up with multiples.

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    1. Yea, I was definitely annoyed. I think it was just the attitude behind it.

      I was not at all concerned that one of the embryos would split and we'd have 3 babies that way. BUT I had done 3 IVFs before (put back 2 embryos each time and they had never split so I didn't see a reason why this would be any different. I do think the likelihood is rare, but then again, you know that those rare things always seem to happen to us :/

      There are definitely risks with multiples, and I think it depends on your carrier. I'm pretty sure you've said yours is pretty healthy, two kids, no issues, so I think the risks would be less (though still there) with multiples. Has her BP always been good throughout pregnancy (because preeclampsia is one of the bigger risks (as well as IC of course) with multiples. How big were her kids when born? I think those would give you an idea for how she would do with multiples.

      Just some things to think about. I know we wanted twins because of the cost, and I don't think my carrier will ever do this again (for anyone) but your carrier seems like a very giving person and maybe she would be willing to if she had a singleton for you.

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  9. The glucose drink is very similar to Orange Crush. I've never had any taste problems with it. Suck it up. :)

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    1. That doesn't sound that bad! I have a huge sweet tooth though :)

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