Musings

I'm probably going to do another IVF cycle next month (which is really starting about a week from now). We're not getting profiled yet so I don't think I'm breaking any "rules".

I did a natural cycle this month and today I *think* I'm 13dpo. I say that because I did OPKs and never got a smiley face, but had ovulation pain and really wet CM a couple of Fridays ago and then it stopped. Therefore, I should be getting AF on Sunday. I did take an HPT yesterday at what I thought was 12dpo and it was negative so I'm just waiting for AF to start, and even though we're homestudy ready for adoption and I'm probably going to do an IVF cycle next month I just feel so down about it. Bleh.

I don't understand why I feel so guilty about starting another cycle. I don't understand my SW's prohibition on it, when she said, "but if you get pregnant naturally, that's fine!" Why is it insidious if you attempt to bring about a baby through fertility drugs, but if you just get lucky it's no big deal? It doesn't make sense to me.

It's so exciting to be shopping for baby stuff. The carrier has been in my car since Saturday (still in the box) and the travel system is getting shipped to me (it was discontinued so we bought it now so it would match the carrier even though we have no need for the travel system). Every day feels like a month and I just keep hoping for a call. It's been only a little more than a week since we were homestudy ready so clearly I have so much longer to wait, but I just want it to happen now! Ha, doesn't everyone?

I just wonder if our baby-to-be has been conceived yet, or if it's a boy or girl or what it will look like. I can't wait for them to be ours. They are wanted so much.