They're here!

My two beauties have arrived! What a whirlwind the last few days have been! It's going by so fast and yet it doesn't feel like we're doing all that much! M & N were born at 12:26am and 12:30am on Mon. 1/28 via vaginal birth! We got there at 9am Sunday morning and it felt like it took forever to get things started. They began with a pitocin "test" at around 11:40am to see if the girls would do ok or if they needed to switch to a c-section plan, but they handled it just fine, so they started a regular drip of pitocin and kept raising it.

Gabby, her husband, L and I spent the whole day hanging out in her room. There was a chair/bed in the room that I got to lie down on and straighten my back occasionally (and I took a nap because I barely slept the night before) but it was nice to spend so much time together. My parents and my inlaws arrived at 2pm (we totally thought she would have given birth by then given how quickly she's given birth previously) but it was still around 1-2 at that time. They had to sit in the public waiting room the whole time which must have been so boring. We would go down every few hours to let them know what was happening, which wasn't much.

Around 7pm she was 4-5 cm dilated, and they were planning to break her water. She kept debating whether to get an epidural or wait till after her water was broken, but we convinced her to get it sooner rather than later. We thought once her water was broken things would stop happening, but not...

The wait continued...and continued...and around 10:30pm we began debating if the girls would even come on Sunday, and of course we kind of hoped one would come just before midnight and one after! But around 11:30pm we knew it wasn't going to happen. She was still only about 5 cm dilated.

Finally, around 12:15am I told L to tell the parents they should just leave or get a hotel room because who knew when it was going to happen, and they'd been sitting down there for so long. But right after L left, all of a sudden Gabby was like, "Ok, this is happening, I think we need to go." She called the team in and they checked her and she was 10 cm. L came walking in and I told him to quickly call the parents to let them know because they were about to leave. He did and then we were rushed into the OR (just in case we had to switch to a c-section, but we didn't) and they were telling her to not push because she really wanted to. It all of a sudden happened so fast!

There were three teams in the OR - so many people! There was a team for each of the girls, and one for Gabby as well. There were two chairs set up behind the table, it was sort of weird and I felt a little sad, like we were such spectators when everyone else had a role. Gabby's husband was with her the whole time, holding her hand and talking to her (he is so sweet) and we were behind them sitting (because of my back) for a bit, not able to see anything behind all the people standing around her.

We started to stand up, and Gabby pushed ONCE and Baby M came shooting out! They grabbed her and worked SO fast, cutting the cord (we thought L would be doing that) and getting her over to her team.  L went over to her and I stayed because I wanted to see Baby N come out. Gabby wanted to push again and the team was trying to tell her not to. People were reaching up and I think something was happening that wasn't great because someone had their hand way up there in her - so either Baby N was starting to turn the wrong way or the cord was wrapped around her, I'm not sure. Even though it felt like a long time it was only 4 minutes apparently, and Gabby got permission to push again, and BOOM, N was out. Same thing happened with N being passed quickly to her team and L was with M so I went over to N. I saw L trimming M's cord, and I just stood by N's team. I almost felt lost, but incredibly happy. They were still working on Gabby and I wanted to go to both N and M, and then felt bad that I was ignoring Gabby. I kept turning to her, because it felt like, now that the girls were out, I was just going to forget about her? It didn't feel right, but Gabby caught my eyes and said, "it's fine! Go to your girls," so I did.

Both apgars were 9, and M was 4lbs3oz. - quite a bit higher than the 3lbs11oz. they were concerned about that led to this induction! N was a little lower than they'd estimated, 4lbs9oz vs. the 4lbs13oz they'd previously estimated. And they were so perfect! In fact, they were doing so well that we got to have the girls their first two hours of life before we had to send them up to NICU. Finally both sets of parents got to come up and they melted. I was grinning ear to ear.

They did so well in NICU they were released after the minimum amount of time - 18 hours, and they came to the well-baby nursery last night at 6:30pm. They're keeping up their heat, their blood sugar levels are great, and they're nursing champs. They're just small. So we're hoping to get their weights up so they can go home soon!

I am head over heels for these girls already. They are so laid back, I don't know how they were born to me! :) And L is so in love as well.

A nurse said to me yesterday, "These girls were worth all the pain, weren't they?" (everyone knows our story as we're the only surrogate birth there right now)...and I stopped and thought, because I've heard other people say after their babies were born (IFers who've had hard times too) how worth it all it was and I really have been so bitter that I thought I would never ever be able to think that - that I would love my girls and be so grateful for them but not be able to say, I'm glad for the pain I had. And honestly, all of a sudden, I am. It has been SO MUCH pain, and me of all people can say it was all worth it.

Here are my burrito babies less than 2 hours after birth. Perfect little girls.

More later, when I get a chance!

The Waiting Game

These girls are taking their sweet time! We've been here since 9am, they started with a pitocin "test" around 11:40 to see how the babies would handle it to make sure they would be ok for a vaginal delivery. They passed with flying colors and they've upped the pitocin ever since and reached a maximum level of 20 (because they're twins they said) several hours ago now.

Contractions are now about 3 minutes apart , but still pretty short and not super intense, although they are starting to get stronger now.

The nurse pulled out one of those layout chair/beds for me and I've been alternating between that and a a regular chair all day. It's not an ideal situation but we're making do. My back is at least a little better than yesterday or Friday.

Resident just came in and she's now 3 cm. Gabby's debating whether to get her epidural now or wait longer. They're planning to break her water after the shift change in a few minutes.

C'mon girls!

This Can't Be Happening Right Now

It looks like all the work I've been doing the last few weeks caught up to me. I was in so much pain yesterday I couldn't even stand. L took me to the ER where they gave me per.coset and a muscle relaxer. Then I threw up all night from the per.coset. Never ever touching that again. Today pain is better but I still can't stand. OMG what am I going to do? I'm going to be in a hotel tonight and in L&D tomorrow. How can this be happening to me?

Watch this: i bet Gabby is going to waltz into L&D tomorrow and I'm going to come in a wheelchair. How ironic.

Holy Crap on a Cracker

I'm going to be a mom on Sunday.

At today's U/S we learned that Baby M is not growing very well anymore. Only 2 oz. in the last two weeks. They've been doing doppler ultrasounds of the placentas and BPPs and everything has looked good for both babies, but obviously something is going on and they think Baby M will be better out than in. She's only 3lbs11oz at almost 35 weeks! However, Baby N is doing fantastically, 4lbs13oz. and would have no need to come out if not for her sister.

So they gave Gabby a steroid shot today and she'll get another one tomorrow. Originally they were going to start induction Saturday night but since Gabby gives birth so quickly she told them Sunday morning was better. So that's it! They'll start at 8:30am Sunday morning and I imagine it'll take a few hours but I pray everything goes well and we'll have our baby girls that day!

Of course, they'll be in NICU, but the MFM said only as "feeders and growers." They were both doing great breathing movements and he's not really worried about them immediately, but just thinks it's time.

I found this out at about 1pm today, and by 6:30 was done preparing everything for work. I could go in tomorrow but I am so not prepared for Sunday. Thank God I got to have my shower because I just sterilized some bottles tonight! I have to wash blankets tomorrow! So much to do, and my house is a total WRECK.

So, I'll leave you with - AHH!!!!!! I can't believe we're almost there! Please send good thoughts/prayers for my girls - we just have one more hill to climb!

Babies Shower

If you're new to my blog during ICLW week, here's January's ICLW post.


My whole weekend was amazing. Friends arrived at my house after work to help make my shower favors, which I had agreed to make for my mom. We had decided on snowflake cookies. I didn't do much though besides ordering ingredients- one friend had pre-made the majority of the cookies the night before and arrived with a bowl of dough to make some more- which she promptly rolled out and baked in my oven. Another friend measured out and whipped up the "hard frosting" for the cookies- and then we split into frosting and "sprinkle" teams. It was hilarious! I got kicked off pretty quickly for clumping my sprinkles-I couldn't do it evenly! My BFF was moved to the icing team after dousing a cookie in so many sprinkles it looked like something an exotic dancer would wear! I became a "supervisor" and we just chatted and joked.

After letting the cookies dry, we packaged them up in cellophane bags and ribbon that my mon had bought that said "Ducky's Baby Shower" and the date. They looked great!

We stayed up late chatting and it was hard to let them go at midnight (although one friend slept over) even though I was going to see them the next day!

SATURDAY! Up bright and early to get to the restaurant on time to decorate! The shower started at 12 and I live about 45 minutes away. My friend and I arrived and I wasn't allowed into the room, which I thought pretty silly bc I just had to sit in the hall upstairs and twiddle my thumbs! Finally I was allowed in and it looked so pretty. There was a roaring fire in the room (I didn't get any pictures of it, oh no!) and my mom and friends did a great job decorating.

Unfortunately since I don't want to post pictures of me or anyone I know on this blog I can't give you the fun pics of me opening presents. But here's a few of the decorations!

Instead of a wishing well, and because the theme of my shower was winter (my invite started with "Baby It's Cold Outside!" my mom asked everyone to bring hats and mittens of different sizes for a winter clothesline which she hung up across from the fireplace. It looked great and I don't think we have to buy the girls hats or gloves until they're 13!

I had been so afraid I would have anything to open, but there was so much I started thinking the gift opening was taking way too long. People were more generous than I ever could have imagined. And only one person (my mom, of course) gave me disposable diapers! The decoration in the picture below is from a diaper wreath she had made!

 

 

My friends saved the best gift for last. It was a sign my mom had told me she bought for the room last October. I opened it, held it above my head because everyone wanted to see, and it felt like I was raising a trophy in victory above my head.

 

 

 

 

F.U. infertility! You tried to keep babies away and we found a way to beat you!!!!

Last ICLW

Writing about a shower is probably not a good first day ICLW post so I should probably hold off. It was seriously one of the most amazing days of my life though. I will hold it in my heart forever.

Welcome to my little anonymous corner of the web if you are dropping by for ICLW for the first time! Hubby and I are expecting our girls in a few weeks via our fantabulous gestational carrier Gabby. For the last 5 years (yeah, ignore my little card blurb that said otherwise down below) we have been trying for babies. We've done umpteen TI cycles, Clomid cycles, IUIs, IVFs, and 1 FET. I've carried singletons and even twins once (that was the farthest I've gotten on my own). I've lost them all before 12 weeks, 6 losses. We were in the midst of the adoption process for almost 2 years when we decided to try with a gestational surrogate at the end of 2011 thanks to the generosity of my inlaws (who I bitch about more than I should, given their generosity for this financially) worked with an agency who introduced us to Gabby in January 2012. We immediately decided to work together, and I did my (hopefully) final IVF cycle in May 2012 and transferred embryos in June to Gabby. She became pregnant and did not lose my babies! (which pretty much confirms something is wrong with me, although we are totally unexplained) and we are now nearing the end of our journey together as we're expecting our girls the second week of February.

This is probably my last ICLW for awhile as (I hope!) I will have my hands full for the next few months. I can't believe we're here - it is just nuts. This is really happening - to me - something I never thought would. How can something that is occurring simultaneously feel unfathomable? It's just unreal.

The experience of "pregnancy" when you're not pregnant is not ideal, but I know it will make no difference in the end. I often wish I was the one experiencing the changes in my body but I am so grateful to have been on this journey.

Thanks for reading.

Let's Get This Party Started

Let the "Shower Weekend" commence!! When I get home tonight, one girl friend will already be there and three others will be arriving soon after to decorate cookies for tomorrow! One of them made the cookies last night and it will be an awesome night of bonding, sending L out for pizza for us and having so much fun!

Then tomorrow is the shower! I have been looking forward to this for so long I am SOOOOO excited! I hope the games aren't too cheesy and there's enough presents to open. We have about 30 people coming but it seems like a bunch of them have mailed the presents to me ahead of time. I've only heard of doing that when you're NOT coming. I am so excited to see so many people and put out the card we made! It looks great!

On the front of it is Gabby's picture - and it says Meet Our Gestational Carrier (First Name!) Inside is basic information, her age, occupation, husband's and kid's names, and why she wanted to be a GC and why her husband thought she'd make a great GC. Then on the other side is a little bit about gestational surrogacy and a blurb about our journey. That was really hard for me to write about so I ended up doing this instead.

6 losses
+ 5 adoption profilings
+ 4 years of struggle
+ 3 IVFs
+ 2 open heart surgeries
+ 1 gestational carrier

= Our happy ending!

I would venture to say most of the people going to my shower don't know half of what we've been through, so I was a little reluctant this would be TMI. Then I thought, whatever, it's MY journey and I want them to know. And I'll admit a little part of me wanted MIL to see this because she simply does not understand why we "can't get over" baby-related things (this was before Gabby).

Of course, now that I printed this out for the tables, I realize the "formula" is pretty wrong - I totally left out an IVF! (how the hell do you forget one of those?) Plus 3 IUIs, but L was squeamish about me putting that in there. He didn't mind IVF though. And it's been longer than 4 years too. Oh well, it didn't fit the countdown thing I tried to have. The card looks pretty good and I'm so grateful for the suggestion!! I forwarded it to Gabby and she loved it and forwarded it to her family.

There was also an u/s yesterday, but no measurements were taken. They did biophysical profiles though and both girls were 8/8! And best of all - BOTH were head down!! Gabby was so shocked she couldn't believe it. She thought the tech was a trainee and that he might have made a mistake, but I told her that even a trainee should know the difference between head and feet at least! :) I think she's geared herself up for a c-section, which is probably the smart thing to do but now she might be able to give birth vaginally. They say Baby M is not likely to turn again, but Baby N may still as she has more room. If she turns breech again then Gabby will just get a c-section because she doesn't want to take the chance of there being an issue halfway through and having an emergency c-section, but if not...they might induce 2/12 now, when the MFM is there! Since Baby N is the bigger baby, it'll all depend on her. I'm kind of hoping since she's the bigger baby the big ol' head will weight her in the right direction.

The Sunday we're heading over to MA to visit Gabby and the family! We were going last weekend but she had the flu and we were both with bad colds so this works out better (and we have off Monday). Can't wait to see her.

What a great weekend!

Wrapping the Gestational Carrier Journey Up

It's time to start sitting down an attempting to write the biggest thank you note of my life. To Gabby, and her husband, and it's hard to feel like you're writing something meaningful enough to convey the gratitude you have for someone who just made your dreams come true.

I just came across this post from This Journey Known as my Life. She is a gestational carrier who has carried multiple surrobabies for intended parents. And this part just brought tears to my eyes:

I wanted to find the truth so that I would know for myself why I love these families.

I thought about my love for these families that I helped to grow. I didn't start to love them at the end of our journey when they gave me a gift. I didn't start to love them when their child was born. I loved them way before then.

So I went back to the beginning. I thought of my first meeting with each couple. I thought of the words of their stories, the expressions on their faces as they explained to me why they were on the road to surrogacy. I watched the sorrow in their eyes when they spoke of their losses and the love in their eyes when they spoke about falling in love with their spouses. I listened to the passion in their voices as they shared their desire to become parents. I felt their sincerity in their heart, and I saw the light of hope alive in them when they spoke of the possibility that surrogacy would bring them a child.

In each case, I knew right away that I wanted to work with each couple. Why?

It is the human suffering they have endured. The grace with which they accept that they cannot control all things. The strength they have gained through their trials. The love they have for each other. The desire the have to become parents. The hope. I fall in love with these couples. The very first days I meet them. I see my brother and my sister in need, I see their humanity- the grief and the joy and the hope (always hope), and I want to walk with them awhile. I want to carry a child for my sister while she is unable, and I want to absorb some of their strength, and love, and hope, no, patience.

Every moment after that first meeting is just our friendship and our love growing. I do not believe that you can walk a spell with someone through such a personal and emotion riddled journey and not share a part of yourself. I do not think I could work with a couple that I did not feel love toward from that first moment.

That is what I should have told the counselor. That is what I should have told all my IPs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This wasn't written by Gabby, but when I write my thank you note, I will be responding to this.

One Month From Today

One month from today I will (hopefully) have my babies in my arms! They will be small, so I think they will get some NICU time no matter what, but I pray it is very short!

Things are a whirlwind! My shower is this weekend! I just realized that L's extended family doesn't know that I'm not pregnant. You would think my MIL would have told them, but L doesn't believe she has and he and I don't talk to them except at family functions (like a baby shower! :)

So now I'm not sure what to do. It should be fairly obvious that I'm not carrying twins but I bet they will stare at my non-existent belly trying to figure things out OR ask me how I'm feeling. Which is "great!" but I don't think I should lead them on.

Any suggestions for what I should do? I talked to Gabby about putting her picture up so people could see/learn more about her (and also see my babies,  haha) - but it almost seems like a "memorial" and kind of strange! Likewise, making an announcement about it. A friend suggesting a posterboard talking about our journey to parenthood but that seems like it would be very depressing. Open heart surgery, engagement, marriage, adoption, miscarriage open heart surgery, IVF, chemical, miscarriage, etc....that's a joy to read about!

A "game" about my carrier seems like it would be a good idea...but I don't know. I should have thought about this sooner! I'm already so stretched for time this week!

We Have a Date

Oh wow. We have a c-section date! At Thursday's ultrasound, c-section was scheduled for Friday, February 15th! 5 weeks from yesterday! Ahhh!!!!

Thursday's ultrasound went as well as could be. Baby M is now measuring in the 4th percentile but doc still isn't too concerned. She's being squished by Baby N who is right on top of her and he said that the percentiles are for singletons and don't really apply. He said that they just needed to grow 100g a week and she grew 300g so he's comfortable enough. Plus he did dopplers on both placentas again and everything looks perfect so they'll check back in another week. Baby M is measuring 3lbs9oz as of 32w4d.

Baby N grew 400g from last week and now weighs 4lb4oz. But it's hard to measure her as well as she's "U-shaped" - her legs are over her face! The doc believes it's likely she's a little bit lighter than that and Baby M is probably the same weight as estimate or a little more. 

So everything looks good and Gabby will go back next week again. Poor thing had the flu last week despite getting the flu shot in the fall! But she got Tamiflu and is feeling better. We were supposed to visit her today but pushed it off to next week because me and L have bad colds and don't want to get her sicker.

The Tiffany necklace came in a mail, but on Thursday I learned that Gabby had gotten an iPad for Christmas! Ack! Luckily I was able to still cancel the iPad mini as it hadn't shipped yet. Thank goodness because we had ordered engraving with it so there was no way we could have returned it! We've decided to just get them a weekend's hotel stay in Vermont - just pay for the hotel instead of the whole weekend like we originally thought about before realizing it was too much money for us. It'll come in the form of a gift certificate, so they can decide whether they want to go alone or bring the kids. It'll be a little bit more than we planned, especially with the Tiffany necklace, but not too over the top.

34 more days!

Approved!

Our Parentage Petition was approved! Thank goodness! We are now the legal parents of our unborn children! :)

We've been checking with the agency since early December. I think they were lax on things because when the holidays came around, all of a sudden THEY got nervous. They told us they were trying to get an answer every day, but no one was responding to them. Once we were past 31 weeks WITH TWINS I reminded them things could happen any time! And what a mess it would have been if she'd given birth without the pre-birth order! We wouldn't have been able to go into the NICU (if needed) or do anything without Gabby's permission. But luckily, persistence paid off and they got it approved administratively on Friday!

Bring on the babies! (in six weeks, not sooner :)

Trucking Along

I am in the midst of a full-blown chest cold, wet cough (head is fine) that is making me feel like I have bronchitis or something. No fun, and I really hope I can get this constant sickness under control before the babies come! I got the flu shot in October and the TDAP (tetanus, whooping cough, pneumonia) vaccine in December...and I just keep getting colds!

We are at 32 weeks today, and continue to check things off the list. Shower stuff, done. RSVPs were due Wednesday, and we tracked down the stragglers who didn't do it on time (seriously, this happened for my wedding too. What is so difficult about RSVPing?). It wouldn't have been such a big deal, except that we have to give meal choices to the restaurant ahead of time, so if someone didn't RSVP we couldn't just assume they weren't coming. And it turned out 90% of the people who didn't RSVP were planning to come after all. I wonder what they thought the invite with RSVP date and card with luncheon choices were for? Decoration? LOL.

So my parents came up yesterday (3 times in three months, that is a record for them because they always tell us we lived soooo far away - 2.5 hours) and we finalized things with the restaurant. Picked table linens, a cake, table set up. It was like my wedding all over again but much more low key. Kinda fun!

After my parents left for the day we headed out to Lowe's (AGAIN) to pick up more stuff for finishing the nursery. Baseboard, sandpaper, wood filler, felt pads for the bottom of the furniture on the newly laid floors. Then later that night, I started sanding the cribs to prep for priming and painting.

Whose idea was this anyway? To buy all this unfinished furniture? Oh yea, mine. I am starting to regret it. It might have been after the billionth (or so it felt) spindle I was sanding on the crib (only the first one! I have another crib to go!) but I was like, "Ugh, why didn't we just buy normal people's nursery furniture?" The Sniglar crib came unfinished, but sealed, so L tells me it won't soak up paint like normal, so we have to sand it first. I have seen pictures on the internet of painted Sniglar cribs so I am wondering just how true that is. Because you know everything on the Internet is true! :)

So today I will start priming, and maybe one day it will be finished! Our crib mattresses that my mom recently bought us arrived on Thursday and they seem huge to me! I think I forgot how big the cribs really are. They're sitting in our foyer still in their boxes and will continue to until the cribs are ready - so that gives me added incentive to get it done.

Presents are ordered for Gabby and family. The engraving section on the iPad mini was way too small for any good quote (boo! how disappointing) so we ended up with some very short "Thank you for the joy you've given us. Love, Ducky and L" - not as much fun.

And finally, Gabby had another U/S on Thursday I forgot to write about. Everything still seems unchanged, but still ok. Unchanged is good at this point. Baby M is still measuring 6th percentile, unchanged from last week, but at least it didn't go down further. Baby M's fluid is still low normal, same as last week, but the MFM checked it and said she had a good amount surrounding her and it was ok. They didn't really check much on Baby N measurement wise but said everything looked good, and her fluid was fine. They did dopplers again on both placentas and said everything looked perfect, which to me is the most important part. Gabby's cervix is still long and closed and MFM made no mention of bed rest - awesome. The later we can put that off, the better! So she'll have another u/s this week and we'll see how it's going. We didn't get weights last week but since the smaller baby, Baby M, was at 2lbs14oz the week before, I'm going to presume she was over 3lbs this week. So things to me are looking pretty good as of now. I'm really glad Gabby is going weekly now though. I feel better that anything important won't be missed.

The Meaning of Thank You

After consulting many people, I think we've decided on gifts. One is going to be a gift for Gabby, and one for the "family" (i.e. her husband/kids).

We wanted to stay around $500, for obvious reasons. I figured that was a good amount to show our gratitude yet not so much that I would look back and feel I went overboard (especially when we're struggling on one paycheck in a few months!).

I debated doing a spa day, but I had just given her a massage for Christmas and she seems to go often herself and I wanted something that would be a little more permanent. We also debated a cleaning service for her house and/or some dinner service after she gives birth, but since we don't live in her area we didn't really know of reputable services there. And those aren't permanent either.

We got many votes for a Tiffany necklace. I'm not really into Tiffany at all because I think you're paying for the name mostly, but hey it's the classic NAME. And it comes in a pretty blue or I'll just call it TURQUOISE box so I can say, "Hey you like turquoise, right?" Haha.

I found this and thought it was perfect. Two babies, two families connected forever, two circles. It's a piece of jewelry she can wear with anything, isn't too in your face (i.e. initials of babies or something obvious) yet is still meaningful.

And then for her husband/family, we got suggestions for an iPad or Kindle. It's not very sentimental but I don't know if men really care about that. I looked online and thought the iPad Mini might be a good idea, slightly cheaper and we can get it engraved on the back. The kids can download apps for it, husband (and Gabby) can download books if they want (right? you can do that on the iPad, right?) or use it for email, pictures, whatever. It's not permanent but I don't know if that matters so much for the husband/kids.

 

 

 

I like these gifts - they seem nice but not crazy extravagant like an all-expenses paid vacation to Disney. We would love to go extravagant but just can't afford it. And there's never a gift that will be good enough for what they have done.

 

So now we just have to come up with a good quote for the back. Probably we should just say To The ______ Clan, Love the _______ Family, but I want something more. The leading favorite we have right now is from Shakespeare, The Twelfth Night:

 

"I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks."



2013!

It's the year of my babies' birth! (God willing of course).  Gabby is home "safe" in MA again - she sent me a text yesterday that she was one hour away from safety when they were on their way back which made me laugh.

The pre-birth order/parentage petition has STILL not been heard in court yet, and I'm beginning to worry. Past 31 weeks with twins...if they are born before that order is in place I will be furious with our attorneys. They said they will be going to the courthouse first thing Monday morning if they don't hear back sooner.

I copied Gabby on the email to ask her to please not give birth before it's in place. Her response:

Haha, you're not the only one wishing this! Getting huge.... (other things)...

Happ to be in the year of your babies (and thankful they held on until 2013 at least!). [Gabby's au pair]'s boyfriend comes to NYC on Thursday so she's going to be on/off vacation over the next 2.5 weeks, lets hope the babies don't come until February! :)

Good night. Happy 2013, so glad we had a wonderful 2012 and will forever be a part of each other's lives! You guys are amazing people and are already amazing parents. Can't wait to see your beautiful shining baby girls in real life!

xoxo

Times like these make me think she really does like me and make me feel like a fool for being so insecure. But at other times I wonder.

We really need to think about getting her a big gift for when the babies come. Any ideas? She is getting paid for this, and I am already worried about having to pay for her maternity leave and C-section fee just as I go on maternity leave and won't be getting paid at all. Originally I was going to get her and her husband a weekend away to Stowe VT and pay for everything...but it got to be too pricey (like ~$1000). And then I was thinking of a Pandora bracelet with a bunch of charms to represent both her kids and mine, but I don't know if she likes jewelry. And there would be lots of purple in there and her favorite colors are turquoise and orange! So that is questionable.

Yet I want it to be meaningful as well. If anyone has any ideas - sentimental or anything, please suggest them! I'm definitely struggling.