So now that I'm home, what do I do? Think about things constantly. Before I left I had emailed Gabby to let me know about any symptoms she's having (since I don't have the opportunity to do that for the first time.) She said she would but didn't email me at all while I was gone and I've been freaking out. I didn't know whether she'd test early or not and didn't want to pressure her one way or another (I feel I don't really have the right as she'd be buying HPTs on her own dime, not mine), but I'd convinced myself she had and her lack of communication meant only bad things (i.e., she tested and it was BFN.) So this morning, which is 11dp3dt (technically 14dpo, so if she tested it should be definitely positive by now, if it's a BFP) I was crying to L that it must mean bad things. And I just emailed her to ask if she'd tested yet.
Ugh, as soon as I had, I regretted it. Obviously, if it was good news, she would have let me know. If it was bad news, she'd probably tell me, and why haven't I learned my lesson on this in previous cycles? Learning that it's a BFN 2 days before beta day wouldn't make a BFN on beta day any less painful. It would just make today miserable, and tomorrow, and Tuesday as well.
Well, good thing she emailed me back to say she hasn't tested yet. But her email was so positive and hopeful, it's driving me nuts. I talked to my work BFF (yes, she's progressed from just close friend at work, lol) who said if she were a surrogate, she wouldn't be too positive or too negative because what if she's wrong? I totally agree!
Here's her email back to me:
I totally feel pregnant! Everybody scared me about false positives (now sure how that could happen though) so I will wait until Tuesday morning (wish I could go tomorrow). My gut says there are babies in there though! :) I guess if the pregnancy test is positive we won't find out how many babies there are until 6 weeks, that seems like so long to wait! But so far things seem great.
[Husband] is so cute. I'm at work this morning and on my way to work I was really annoyed about something in my schedule and we were talking on the phone. He told me that being angry was not good for the babies and that my only job right now was to grow those babies so that I should not be mad and focus just on the babies growing! I sense he's going to be more protective of me this time around than with our own babies! ;)
Doesn't that seem way too positive when she hasn't even tested yet? I don't think she knows that progesterone can give her pregnancy-like symptoms. And that worry about false positives is useless. The only "false positives" are chemical pregnancies, really, but I didn't mention anything about it. I'm just so glad she hasn't tested yet because I want to have hope for these last two days.
Of course, part of me is secretly hoping that she's already tested and doesn't want to tell me until it's confirmed on Tuesday (that "false positive" she's worried about). I don't for one second think she's tested and gotten a BFN because she wouldn't be so positive in her email - she'd probably say something like, "Oh I haven't tested yet" because she wouldn't want to sadden me just yet).
I know, I'm reading way too much into it. I'm just hoping so so much. Out of 3 embies...at least 1 should stick, right?
2 more days...