There's a reason why I like to remain nameless and unidentifiable on this blog. It's so that I can pour out my real feelings without being judged by those who know me. Because sometimes those feelings sound bad, real bad. And tonight is one of those nights.
I feel like I've been punched in the gut. And it's petty, petty jealousy. Let me back up.
I dated my husband for years starting in high school, then we broke up for a few years, then got back together. When I started dating him again, his younger brother was dating a girl for about 3-4 years (they got together in college) at that point. They got engaged in 2005 but decided to wait to get married until 2007, more than 2 years later. L proposed to me in 2006 but we decided not to "steal" their thunder and therefore had an 18 month engagement so they could get married first. We got married 3 months after them (and I hear she still wasn't happy about it, but I thought tough, we waited long enough).
We started trying at the end of 2008, so I always thought we would have kids first, that at least in this one thing we could be first. And I always thought we'd have boys, because L is one of THREE boys, it just runs in the family. Now, obviously as the years went by, I knew she would probably have kids before me. I just sort of hoped I could have a girl and she'd have a boy, so at least I could have the girl everyone wanted and be "special" in that way at least. His mother has always wanted a girl. Obviously, above all, I've just wanted a baby, somehow some way, but I hope you can understand why I might want a girl for that petty reason alone.
We found out his brother and SIL were pregnant in March. All right, hard to bear of course just because we want kids so badly, but that's life. Today his brother LEFT A MESSAGE (how nice) what they're having.
Oh yes, of course it's a girl. But not only that. That would be too easy.
It's TWIN girls.
So I can't even be "special" if I have twins now. I mean, seriously?
I totally know it's petty and I would never ever say anything to anyone I knew in real life but I'm just venting here.
I'm a little upset that NO ONE in the family told us they were even having twins until today. I know they probably didn't know it was girls until now (I think she's 16 or 18 weeks) but they would have found out it was twins at the first U/S. They told us they were pregnant, so why not tell us everything?
I'm having a hard time dealing with that fact, above else.