I feel like I'm dying slowly. Perhaps that sounds overdramatic to you, and it probably is. But I just want to curl up in a fetal position for awhile, take some mind-altering substances, and wake up in a few weeks when this all is over.
First Merlin, now this.
First of all, here's my beautiful Merlin.
I'm missing him a lot.
But in other news. I got three positive HPTs this week, starting at 8dp3dt on my internet cheapies. Yesterday at 11:30am (second pee of the day) I finally took a "real" test - a Clear Blue Easy.
In the afternoon, I started spotting. By evening I had full on AF.
My beta was today. Still waiting for results but this is one of the heavier AFs I've had and there's no doubt it will be negative. It was positive not 24 hours ago and now I have nothing.
No Merlin, no baby(ies).
I can get pregnant (occasionally) but I can't stay pregnant. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I've had the recurrent miscarriage panel done. I am compound heterozygous for MTHFR, PAI Polymorphism gene, and have Hashimoto's. My thyroid levels are fine, I've upped my folic acid intake, and I've been told I will start taking heparin at 6 weeks.
But I can't get to 6 weeks.
What do I do from here? I had asked my RE to put me on heparin earlier and he said no. Will he change his mind now? What other tests should I have done?
I want some answers. I've been doing this for so long and I hate all this no knowing. It's hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait, and now I have to do IVF #2.
I am crushed. No Merlin, no baby.