Wednesday, February 23, 2011

So Close Yet So Far

So I tested yesterday on my internet cheapies (the ones supposedly sensitive to 10mIU). I saw the faintest of positives if I looked the right way. L couldn't really see it (then again, he couldn't see an obviously positive FRER for my first pregnancy either, so I'm not really concerned about that).

I POAS again with the IC today. Line seems to me almost about exactly the same, that is VERY VERY VERY faint. But I could swear it's there, and has the faintest purplish color. It can't all be in my head?

But I'm concerned it's the same darkness as yesterday. Today is 9dp3dt, which is 12dpo, and while I've never gotten a positive before 14dpo, I would think it would look darker than yesterday.

I know a line is a line, but I wonder if these "lines" could be all in my head. They are THAT faint. But on 7dp3dt I know the test was stark white.

So I will test with a FRER tomorrow. I almost don't want to. I don't want to see a negative with a REAL test that I trust.

After nearly 2 1/2 years, I deserve a positive, don't I? I've done all the hard work, I didn't expect anything to just be handed to me. Can't I catch a break here?

But my boobs feel a little less sensitive today, my stomach a little less bloated. I'm down over a pound since yesterday. None of this seems like a good sign.

We also have to put down one of our cats tonight. He was perfectly fine (or so it seemed) until a couple of days ago. He's 14 years old (but was a stray the first 4 years of his life), and all of a sudden was having trouble breathing. We brought him into the vet yesterday morning and they drained 160ml of fluid from around his lungs.

L explained to me that my Bravelle shots were about 1ml, so that's a lot of fluid to drain from a kitty :(

They found a tumor in his lungs afterwards, and think it's secondary, but they can't find the first tumor. We brought him home last night and gave him yummy tuna and an electric blanket that he loves but he just wasn't interested.

He's having trouble breathing again today, so we're guessing the fluid is recollecting. With that and the not eating, we know he just can't take anymore. We're waiting on the vet to call us with the results from the tests they did yesterday (they sent out the fluid to be tested) but odds are we'll be going back in tonight and coming home with an empty cat carrier.

No Merlin, and a BFN? I don't think I can stand it.


  1. I really hope you get a BFP on the FRER! I'm also very sorry to hear about your cat Merlin. I've had my oldest rescue cat for nearly 8 years and it is a standing joke that if she didn't like DH, and vise versa, we wouldn't be together=) I just love her to pieces and can't imagine what you must be going through. I wish you all the strength as you do what you need to do. KMFX that you get that BFP as well!

  2. I am so sorry about Merlin. I wish you comfort and peace.
    I'm hoping that you get that BFP tomorrow!!

  3. Over from ICLW and sending huge love for you and for Merlin. Can't believe these two things have conspired to happen together. You have my utmost sympathy xxxxxxxx

  4. I am so sorry to hear about your kitty. Good luck with the FRER tomorrow!

  5. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm so sorry about your cat :( Losing an animal is so hard. I hope that he gets some good results tomorrow. As for your pee stick, fingers crossed for a BFP for you! Symptoms come and go, so don't get too worried!

  6. Thank you so much for your comment on my blog. I'm so sorry about the loss of your kitty. It hurts so much.
    I'll keep hoping that the line on the stick gets darker and you get a great BFP.
    Hugs to you.

  7. Poor kitty. So sorry. It's still too early to have much of a line, so don't count yourself out!

  8. I'm so sorry about your kitty. :( It's so hard to lose our pets, they are so much more than that.

    I really hope your line gets darker and that this is your BFP. Hugs...